I hope everyone is having a wonderful week so far. I really enjoy these Let’s Talk posts where we can chat about different aspects of life, and today I wanted to touch on something I am curious how many of you will relate to—our social batteries.
For most of my 20s through my late 30s, I was the very definition of a social butterfly. I thrived on the energy of being out and about—so much so that people were often surprised to catch me at home (yes, back in the landline days when phones actually rang with real people on the other end!). I vividly remember my 35th birthday luncheon with at least 30 friends, followed by a night out with more friends. That was me—I loved it, and it gave me energy. Today, 25 years later, that sounds positively draining, haha.
But somewhere in my mid-40s, and especially once I hit 50, things began to shift. Friendships became more about quality over quantity—a phrase my mother and mother-in-law both used often, and one I’ve passed along to my own children. My circle grew smaller, but deeper. I also changed as a person, becoming more staunch in my beliefs and morals and that on it’s own, shaped my social circle. At the same time, starting and growing my business changed the balance of my life tremendously. No longer were my days spent playing tennis, and going to lunch. Weekdays were consumed by work, and socializing was usually reserved for weekends.
This past summer really tested my social battery. We had three weddings, two engagement parties, three bridal showers, multiple milestone birthdays (including my husband’s, Philip’s, and two dear friends’), and more dinners and obligations than I can count. We seemed to be away more than we were home. While each event was truly enjoyable and memorable, I found myself looking at my calendar with anxiety.
By the time we returned from Boston (after being in Newport just the week before), I felt completely drained. There was one more stop on this seemingly nonstop calendar, which was a final trip to Florida to see my son for his birthday and visit friends. I remember being on the plane coming home from that trip, and practically cheered when we came home, I was so happy to reclaim my own little comforts—my bed, my desk, my quiet space. Irony was coming home to two save the dates for June weddings:) Guess June will be a busy start to the summer! But at least I have a big time buffer to prepare!
I realized that at this stage of life, I sometimes crave stillness more than excitement. Heaven on a plate, for me, looks like a full day sequestered at home with absolutely nothing to do. The few places and activities that truly recharge me now are simple: Palmetto Bluff, being by the ocean, or being in my garden (not this year) but when we move hopefully next! So any opportunity i have to go to PB or a beach to recharge, I eagerly look forward to.
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that it’s okay to say no. When an invitation came for a September wedding in Texas, after considering tying it in with a trip to see friends in Dallas, I declined—knowing I needed a month with as few obligations as possible. That was a first for me, and it felt empowering. And I am so happy I did.
I love my friends and family dearly and treasure time with those closest to me, but I’m less patient with small talk or obligatory socializing. I thoght about this the other day when I was playing on my pickleball league and at the end, people tend to linger a few minutes and make small talk. While I am always polite, I just had not interest in it.
It might have been just that day but in general, I go to play (and after 2 hours) I am utterly exhausted, but sitting around talking to people I don’t know well just didn’t interest me. I don’t think its wrong or right. (Sidenote- I won my league that day, which was so exciting)! Between running my business and helping with Philip, my free hours are precious. Sometimes I want to spend them in my little cocoon, and other times with the people who mean the most. I also have recognized that I need and cherish my solo time here and there. I like my own company and sometimes crave just being alone. An example- I never enjoy shopping with people, I am super quick when it comes to going in and scanning a store so get impatient when I feel like I can’t move at the pace I want to. Solo shopping for me!
Life really is about balance, and I’m finally learning to listen to my own limits. Protecting your peace is not selfish—it’s necessary. I think we become more emboldened to listen to our inner voices as we get older. At least that’s been the case with me. Thankfully, my husband is for the most part right in step with how I feel. We both are happy the endless schedule of summer is behind us and though we have things going on in the next few months, its nothing like the pace we kept up all summer. Learning to say no or limiting yourself to things, recognizing your own personal threshold is so important. I am a work in progress but getting there!
Thanks for stopping in. I can’t wait to hear what you have to say on the matter, if this is relatable or not. If it is, would love to know how you handle recognizing the limits of your own social battery and knowing when you need to bow out. Or maybe you are the way I was at 30, the more socialization the better! Either way, its always fun to hear from you and what you have to say on the matter. Wishing you a great day. Until next time….
I feel the same as you do-an extrovert in my twenties and thirties, and now at 56 I relish a weekend with no plans. I found that Covid really changed how I view my “quiet” time. I have to have much more solitary time now and the garden is my escape. More evenings at home are essential too. I’ve found that I am much happier if I have some space between trips, even if it’s just a week. No more back to back house guests either!
We could be friends 😉 I have a beautiful home and I want to enjoy it. I “piddle” and just enjoy being home. I loathe small talk and the gossip of groups. I am content to be with my very small circle of life long friends. I do, however have acquaintances who thrive in the social life and are in their late 50’s. So much so that they sold their beautiful historic home with beautiful gardens to live in a 55+ community where they have no yard to keep and the social director keeps the calendar full. With a simple lifestyle, their travel calendar is also full.
So interesting to read this. I was never a a girl who liked a street party with a bunch of strangers. Give me an intimate dinner party anytime. Now retired, we’ve recently been through this whole decision-making process. Do we sell our home and move to a 55+ community, or not? There’s so much pressure these days to “choose how you age” and these communities emphasize that ..”people age better when not isolated”. While I believe there’s merit to this, what I’ve discovered is my lifelong social interests have nothing to do with bingo, card games, tennis or doing skits with the other ladies, in the neighborhood. .I’m happiest connecting with a few trusted friends for lunch, or spending time on our boat, or walking my historic neighborhood with my dog, falling in love with it over & over again.. What brings me the most joy, is the life we’ve built right here in this house… our memories, a loving marriage, surrounded by all the “pretty little things” that bring me joy.
In the end, we could not sell. We are staying and creating more memories just the way we like it. We can still take a trip… but home will always be my sanctuary & refuge. I also prefer to solo shop! Lol! It must be in the genes.
I totally agree – especially about shopping!! Doing it with someone is my idea of torture!
A somewhat related topic I’m actually dealing with today – traveling. I’m a 79 year old widow and am getting ready to fly to SF from Atlanta to watch the Laver Cup. As I’ve been packing I’m thinking that I really don’t want to do this anymore, way too stressful and difficult to do alone, plus boarding my dog, etc etc. My daughter and son in law will be there and that will be fun but still—this may just possibly be my last trip.
Yes, I am a solo shopper too. My sister in law said to me, you can case a place faster than anyone I know. Yes I usually know within 10 seconds, if a place is for me. I totally understand the need for enjoying your own company and spending quality time with yourself, to be rid of all the noise we live with from day to day. The power of saying NO is liberating. It doesn’t mean you don’t care, or that you are unkind, it just means NO. Not this time, right now, or sometimes never. Good for you!!! https://fortheloveofold.com
Hi Tina! At seventy-four I totally agree with you. I used to be more socially active but now I much prefer to be at home (we live in the country on a farm) with my gardens and animals. I too enjoy my family and close friends but have little patience with small talk with people I don’t know that well. I do think age has something to do with it. I really don’t have any desire to travel anymore as I find the airports now are a stressor that I don’t need. Have a lovely day and thanks for the chat😀
This was so interesting to me. I have never been super social. I have always had a smallish group of friends. I enjoy them tremendously. I belong to a book club of seven woman which I enjoy . I do need to see my friends. They are important to me. My husband is not social at all. He enjoys working around our houses, boating and travleing. If he socializes he likes it to be a small group. Weddings are a nightmare for him. So only go to them if we really need to. He has tinnitus which is can be exasperated if music is loud at weddings.
I am very satisfied how our small social life has evolved during our 44 year marriage.
I think when you are younger you are more social. As you age quiet time is more desirable. I agree with all comments above. You say NO to take care of yourself. I do not like how some groups of women gossip. It really hurts the strength of community. We all need to work together to build a better world.
EXACTLY!!!! Early days of marriage and child raising…it was “hell bent” to “do it ALL, baby, do it ALL,” and, I did. A friend said to me, “YOU do know there is another word…”NO.!” Retirement in our “little log cabin, on a lake” has seen the total opposite…”taking time to “smell the flowers” (& some ragweed!) A time and a place…I enjoyed both!! franki
Oh my! It was if I penned your post. I am in total agreement with your perspectives. I am so pleased to learn that someone who I admire greatly, thinks the way I do. Thank you for sharing.
Welcome to the next phase of your life! I am now 72 but still feel 49. However, I can’t do what I could do at 49. I started noticing this in my 50s, and it increased through my 60s. I fought it and exhausted myself, then I finally realized it was normal. Hard to accept but when I did and adjusted to a slower pace, I felt better physically and mentally. I just had to start paying attention to the reality of it. I still think and feel young but I can no longer keep up with them! And, that’s OK.
Tina, Yes to all of the comments and to your post. I have felt a change and shift in what inner peace means to me over the last few years. My husband and I are retired and in our early 60’s. We decided to make our own paradise to enjoy for years to come as we age. Right before Covid hit, we purchased 45 acres of field and forest. For the next two years our custom house was built. Our energy comes from waking up every morning and looking out at our field, counting the deer and elk… working in our yard and gardens. We cringe and dread the occasional social events. Our social circle has gotten smaller and now is mostly family. Our two grandchildren are the highlight of our day when we can be together.
At this stage of my life, I find that time alone with my Bible and the Word of God reenergizes me and fuels my alone time immensely. Wouldn’t give it up!
So relatable. For me, I learned, like the adage to not buy things that you don’t love or find to be beautiful, not to say yes to anything that doesn’t fill my time and mind with inspiration or my life with total joy.
Thank you for the time you take to inspire and encourage. I hope it is returned to you many times over. Have a wonderful fall!
I pretty much agree with you on most of it. I am a very accomplished woman and i often think of how I could have accomplished all i have if i didn’t put the brakes on Socializing. In life Quality is Superior to Quanty..I also shop alone. I also do not go to the Gym with a ‘buddie.’ I go to workout not socialize. I am never lonely I have scads of books on many different subjects if i need some time alone and needless to say my trusty laptop lol lol
I love my quiet, low-key life. That said, I also treasure the gossip and small talk that’s part of many interactions. Rather than empty noise, it’s a touchstone, a place holder — “Here we still are. We wish you well.”
Yes, Tina, I agree! I have always had a few close friends that I enjoy spending time with. Working full time my whole life, when I get home, I just want to turn the lights low, put on a candle and relax! My 15 month old grandson also gets top priority!😊
Just a great article. My husband and I have a new code to use with each other.;
ATN…… above the noise! And that’s where we try to live our lives now. Those three letters have changed our lives!!
This was such a great post, and I have come to really enjoy them. I am by nature a super social person. My husband is twice as social as I am. He is a big law attorney and because of what he does there’s a lot of entertaining involved.
What I have found now that I have turned 55 is that I’m less interested in those types of commitments. I still very much enjoy my time with my friends. I play tennis twice a week and we normally have dinner plans with friends once or twice a week. That fills my social battery- the idea now of going to functions or events or even weddings with people. I mostly don’t know when I have to make small talk sounds dreadful. I’ve done it for years, but my interest has waned.
I laughed about how you like to shop solo. I am so that way- I can walk into a store and no within two minutes flat, If it’s worth my time-you’re my kind of girl!! I don’t know you, have never met you but I feel like you are a friend and I have a feeling others feel that way too.
I hope you will continue to write these posts. They are so relatable, so interesting and it’s fun to read everyone’s perspective. Thank you Tina for sharing a piece of your life with us.
I think many people experience this ‘arc of socializing.’ In my teens, 20s and 30s, life seemed to be a never-ending party. Then, in my 40s and 50s, I became more aware that quality was, indeed, more important than quantity. I selected friends and events more carefully and no longer felt obligated to say ‘yes’ to everything. These days, my quiet time and my family time are increasingly precious. My job keeps me busy–too much so at times. I love nothing more than to see an empty week on the calendar!
I completely understand how not running in a hamster wheel, even when exciting, becomes something truly healthy and desirable. Even when meetings are virtual, it is still a commitment of precious time and energy. I am more and more embracing my quiet time when a good chat with a friend or enjoying a good book on my screened porch takes precedence.
Ladies, we have earned the right to just take time to embrace a more relaxed time off.
I agree as well! I do wonder how much the political nastiness of the last decade or so has contributed. I feel like previously politics didn’t come up as much in general conversation, and if it did, you didn’t get excoriated if your beliefs didn’t match those of the people you were chatting with (or have to remain silent to protect yourself). I hope that we can get back to civility someday!
We must be kindred spirits along with many of your electronic friends! THANKS for sharing your wisdom and your vulnerability. As a recovering people pleaser, it has been hard for me to say, “No.” But, now my mantra is, “No, is a complete sentence!”
I could have written this! I was just telling my husband a few weeks ago that I have felt such a change in how I choose to socialize and what my limits are, now that I am in my late 50’s. I am an eternal people pleaser aka rarely saying no. Our summer was also extremely busy and though. it sounds like a first world problem (which I know it is) we committed ourselves to 3 big trips. By the last trip- a trip to Croatia with a big group of extended family, I was actually dreading it. I had so much anxiety packing again knowing I would be gone from the comforts of home for 9 more days when all I wanted was to be home doing my little every day routine.
We went- had a great time but I can tell you I was counting down the days until we got home! We had to turn around 4 days later and fly to Wyoming for a wedding. We have little planned for the next few months until the holidays come around and I could not be more thrilled! Even when someone asks us to go out to dinner, I am now telling friends “lets play it by ear and make it spontaneous”. Most understand. Learning to put ourselves first is liberating!
Totally agree! I used to socialize nonstop (also it was partly due to my career). But now at 58, I too have a smaller circle and I love it. Meaningful relationships with like minded people. My husband is a big golfer so socializes all the time. His social battery has a lot more energy than mine;-) As you said its about balance, can be tricky when one spouse wants to go out all the time! But he has accepted my limits and we have found a great balance. Love and enjoy these posts.
I am mid seventies. I love being with my family and 6 grandchildren. I am lucky enough to have 4 best friends that I met in 7 th grade ( 57 years ago!) Also I’ve been married for 51 years .All these things make me so happy. I love spending most of my time with this group! But I also love reading ,watching tv, and scrolling through my phone! I am enjoying my life fully and enjoy the balance of quiet time and socialization. 🌺
Hi Tina, love your IG, been following for a long time.
This post really resonated with me!
As I have gotten older, I struggle with still trying to keep a youthful outlook on life, not wanting to turn into a grumpy older woman, haha.
However, I now find myself getting overstimulated more easily and after traveling or even several hours of socializing, I am mentally drained. I certainly enjoy getting out and being in the company of my nearest and dearest but I find I need more “quiet” time now to keep my calmness and sanity.
Judging by the comments, it does seem this is kind of a natural progression with age though I do know a few older people that still thrive on a very busy traveling/social schedule.
Good for them! : )
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Good morning friends,
I hope everyone is having a wonderful week so far. I really enjoy these Let’s Talk posts where we can chat about different aspects of life, and today I wanted to touch on something I am curious how many of you will relate to—our social batteries.
For most of my 20s through my late 30s, I was the very definition of a social butterfly. I thrived on the energy of being out and about—so much so that people were often surprised to catch me at home (yes, back in the landline days when phones actually rang with real people on the other end!). I vividly remember my 35th birthday luncheon with at least 30 friends, followed by a night out with more friends. That was me—I loved it, and it gave me energy. Today, 25 years later, that sounds positively draining, haha.
But somewhere in my mid-40s, and especially once I hit 50, things began to shift. Friendships became more about quality over quantity—a phrase my mother and mother-in-law both used often, and one I’ve passed along to my own children. My circle grew smaller, but deeper. I also changed as a person, becoming more staunch in my beliefs and morals and that on it’s own, shaped my social circle. At the same time, starting and growing my business changed the balance of my life tremendously. No longer were my days spent playing tennis, and going to lunch. Weekdays were consumed by work, and socializing was usually reserved for weekends.
This past summer really tested my social battery. We had three weddings, two engagement parties, three bridal showers, multiple milestone birthdays (including my husband’s, Philip’s, and two dear friends’), and more dinners and obligations than I can count. We seemed to be away more than we were home. While each event was truly enjoyable and memorable, I found myself looking at my calendar with anxiety.
By the time we returned from Boston (after being in Newport just the week before), I felt completely drained. There was one more stop on this seemingly nonstop calendar, which was a final trip to Florida to see my son for his birthday and visit friends. I remember being on the plane coming home from that trip, and practically cheered when we came home, I was so happy to reclaim my own little comforts—my bed, my desk, my quiet space. Irony was coming home to two save the dates for June weddings:) Guess June will be a busy start to the summer! But at least I have a big time buffer to prepare!
I realized that at this stage of life, I sometimes crave stillness more than excitement. Heaven on a plate, for me, looks like a full day sequestered at home with absolutely nothing to do. The few places and activities that truly recharge me now are simple: Palmetto Bluff, being by the ocean, or being in my garden (not this year) but when we move hopefully next! So any opportunity i have to go to PB or a beach to recharge, I eagerly look forward to.
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that it’s okay to say no. When an invitation came for a September wedding in Texas, after considering tying it in with a trip to see friends in Dallas, I declined—knowing I needed a month with as few obligations as possible. That was a first for me, and it felt empowering. And I am so happy I did.
I love my friends and family dearly and treasure time with those closest to me, but I’m less patient with small talk or obligatory socializing. I thoght about this the other day when I was playing on my pickleball league and at the end, people tend to linger a few minutes and make small talk. While I am always polite, I just had not interest in it.
It might have been just that day but in general, I go to play (and after 2 hours) I am utterly exhausted, but sitting around talking to people I don’t know well just didn’t interest me. I don’t think its wrong or right. (Sidenote- I won my league that day, which was so exciting)! Between running my business and helping with Philip, my free hours are precious. Sometimes I want to spend them in my little cocoon, and other times with the people who mean the most. I also have recognized that I need and cherish my solo time here and there. I like my own company and sometimes crave just being alone. An example- I never enjoy shopping with people, I am super quick when it comes to going in and scanning a store so get impatient when I feel like I can’t move at the pace I want to. Solo shopping for me!
Life really is about balance, and I’m finally learning to listen to my own limits. Protecting your peace is not selfish—it’s necessary. I think we become more emboldened to listen to our inner voices as we get older. At least that’s been the case with me. Thankfully, my husband is for the most part right in step with how I feel. We both are happy the endless schedule of summer is behind us and though we have things going on in the next few months, its nothing like the pace we kept up all summer. Learning to say no or limiting yourself to things, recognizing your own personal threshold is so important. I am a work in progress but getting there!
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Thanks for stopping in. I can’t wait to hear what you have to say on the matter, if this is relatable or not. If it is, would love to know how you handle recognizing the limits of your own social battery and knowing when you need to bow out. Or maybe you are the way I was at 30, the more socialization the better! Either way, its always fun to hear from you and what you have to say on the matter. Wishing you a great day. Until next time….
I am so on the same page as you.
You have expressed my feelings to a T!!!
I feel the same as you do-an extrovert in my twenties and thirties, and now at 56 I relish a weekend with no plans. I found that Covid really changed how I view my “quiet” time. I have to have much more solitary time now and the garden is my escape. More evenings at home are essential too. I’ve found that I am much happier if I have some space between trips, even if it’s just a week. No more back to back house guests either!
What Linda said!!!!
We could be friends 😉 I have a beautiful home and I want to enjoy it. I “piddle” and just enjoy being home. I loathe small talk and the gossip of groups. I am content to be with my very small circle of life long friends. I do, however have acquaintances who thrive in the social life and are in their late 50’s. So much so that they sold their beautiful historic home with beautiful gardens to live in a 55+ community where they have no yard to keep and the social director keeps the calendar full. With a simple lifestyle, their travel calendar is also full.
So interesting to read this. I was never a a girl who liked a street party with a bunch of strangers. Give me an intimate dinner party anytime. Now retired, we’ve recently been through this whole decision-making process. Do we sell our home and move to a 55+ community, or not? There’s so much pressure these days to “choose how you age” and these communities emphasize that ..”people age better when not isolated”. While I believe there’s merit to this, what I’ve discovered is my lifelong social interests have nothing to do with bingo, card games, tennis or doing skits with the other ladies, in the neighborhood. .I’m happiest connecting with a few trusted friends for lunch, or spending time on our boat, or walking my historic neighborhood with my dog, falling in love with it over & over again.. What brings me the most joy, is the life we’ve built right here in this house… our memories, a loving marriage, surrounded by all the “pretty little things” that bring me joy.
In the end, we could not sell. We are staying and creating more memories just the way we like it. We can still take a trip… but home will always be my sanctuary & refuge. I also prefer to solo shop! Lol! It must be in the genes.
I totally agree – especially about shopping!! Doing it with someone is my idea of torture!
A somewhat related topic I’m actually dealing with today – traveling. I’m a 79 year old widow and am getting ready to fly to SF from Atlanta to watch the Laver Cup. As I’ve been packing I’m thinking that I really don’t want to do this anymore, way too stressful and difficult to do alone, plus boarding my dog, etc etc. My daughter and son in law will be there and that will be fun but still—this may just possibly be my last trip.
Tina, could not have said it better.
Thank You
Yes, I am a solo shopper too. My sister in law said to me, you can case a place faster than anyone I know. Yes I usually know within 10 seconds, if a place is for me. I totally understand the need for enjoying your own company and spending quality time with yourself, to be rid of all the noise we live with from day to day. The power of saying NO is liberating. It doesn’t mean you don’t care, or that you are unkind, it just means NO. Not this time, right now, or sometimes never. Good for you!!! https://fortheloveofold.com
Hi Tina! At seventy-four I totally agree with you. I used to be more socially active but now I much prefer to be at home (we live in the country on a farm) with my gardens and animals. I too enjoy my family and close friends but have little patience with small talk with people I don’t know that well. I do think age has something to do with it. I really don’t have any desire to travel anymore as I find the airports now are a stressor that I don’t need. Have a lovely day and thanks for the chat😀
This was so interesting to me. I have never been super social. I have always had a smallish group of friends. I enjoy them tremendously. I belong to a book club of seven woman which I enjoy . I do need to see my friends. They are important to me. My husband is not social at all. He enjoys working around our houses, boating and travleing. If he socializes he likes it to be a small group. Weddings are a nightmare for him. So only go to them if we really need to. He has tinnitus which is can be exasperated if music is loud at weddings.
I am very satisfied how our small social life has evolved during our 44 year marriage.
I think when you are younger you are more social. As you age quiet time is more desirable. I agree with all comments above. You say NO to take care of yourself. I do not like how some groups of women gossip. It really hurts the strength of community. We all need to work together to build a better world.
EXACTLY!!!! Early days of marriage and child raising…it was “hell bent” to “do it ALL, baby, do it ALL,” and, I did. A friend said to me, “YOU do know there is another word…”NO.!” Retirement in our “little log cabin, on a lake” has seen the total opposite…”taking time to “smell the flowers” (& some ragweed!) A time and a place…I enjoyed both!! franki
Oh my! It was if I penned your post. I am in total agreement with your perspectives. I am so pleased to learn that someone who I admire greatly, thinks the way I do. Thank you for sharing.
Welcome to the next phase of your life! I am now 72 but still feel 49. However, I can’t do what I could do at 49. I started noticing this in my 50s, and it increased through my 60s. I fought it and exhausted myself, then I finally realized it was normal. Hard to accept but when I did and adjusted to a slower pace, I felt better physically and mentally. I just had to start paying attention to the reality of it. I still think and feel young but I can no longer keep up with them! And, that’s OK.
Tina, Yes to all of the comments and to your post. I have felt a change and shift in what inner peace means to me over the last few years. My husband and I are retired and in our early 60’s. We decided to make our own paradise to enjoy for years to come as we age. Right before Covid hit, we purchased 45 acres of field and forest. For the next two years our custom house was built. Our energy comes from waking up every morning and looking out at our field, counting the deer and elk… working in our yard and gardens. We cringe and dread the occasional social events. Our social circle has gotten smaller and now is mostly family. Our two grandchildren are the highlight of our day when we can be together.
I agree 100 %!!!
At this stage of my life, I find that time alone with my Bible and the Word of God reenergizes me and fuels my alone time immensely. Wouldn’t give it up!
I am so there time is to short for mindless prattle
So relatable. For me, I learned, like the adage to not buy things that you don’t love or find to be beautiful, not to say yes to anything that doesn’t fill my time and mind with inspiration or my life with total joy.
Thank you for the time you take to inspire and encourage. I hope it is returned to you many times over. Have a wonderful fall!
I pretty much agree with you on most of it. I am a very accomplished woman and i often think of how I could have accomplished all i have if i didn’t put the brakes on Socializing. In life Quality is Superior to Quanty..I also shop alone. I also do not go to the Gym with a ‘buddie.’ I go to workout not socialize. I am never lonely I have scads of books on many different subjects if i need some time alone and needless to say my trusty laptop lol lol
Agree 100% with Elizabeth Horne. If you’ve always been too busy to be involved in bible study- now is the time to do it! What a joy!
I completely agree !
I am learning to say no and value quiet time and just relax
I love my quiet, low-key life. That said, I also treasure the gossip and small talk that’s part of many interactions. Rather than empty noise, it’s a touchstone, a place holder — “Here we still are. We wish you well.”
I too enjoy my own company. I love to shop but my style is speed shopping. So to you I say Amen to solo shopping!
Yes, Tina, I agree! I have always had a few close friends that I enjoy spending time with. Working full time my whole life, when I get home, I just want to turn the lights low, put on a candle and relax! My 15 month old grandson also gets top priority!😊
Just a great article. My husband and I have a new code to use with each other.;
ATN…… above the noise! And that’s where we try to live our lives now. Those three letters have changed our lives!!
This was such a great post, and I have come to really enjoy them. I am by nature a super social person. My husband is twice as social as I am. He is a big law attorney and because of what he does there’s a lot of entertaining involved.
What I have found now that I have turned 55 is that I’m less interested in those types of commitments. I still very much enjoy my time with my friends. I play tennis twice a week and we normally have dinner plans with friends once or twice a week. That fills my social battery- the idea now of going to functions or events or even weddings with people. I mostly don’t know when I have to make small talk sounds dreadful. I’ve done it for years, but my interest has waned.
I laughed about how you like to shop solo. I am so that way- I can walk into a store and no within two minutes flat, If it’s worth my time-you’re my kind of girl!! I don’t know you, have never met you but I feel like you are a friend and I have a feeling others feel that way too.
I hope you will continue to write these posts. They are so relatable, so interesting and it’s fun to read everyone’s perspective. Thank you Tina for sharing a piece of your life with us.
I think many people experience this ‘arc of socializing.’ In my teens, 20s and 30s, life seemed to be a never-ending party. Then, in my 40s and 50s, I became more aware that quality was, indeed, more important than quantity. I selected friends and events more carefully and no longer felt obligated to say ‘yes’ to everything. These days, my quiet time and my family time are increasingly precious. My job keeps me busy–too much so at times. I love nothing more than to see an empty week on the calendar!
I completely understand how not running in a hamster wheel, even when exciting, becomes something truly healthy and desirable. Even when meetings are virtual, it is still a commitment of precious time and energy. I am more and more embracing my quiet time when a good chat with a friend or enjoying a good book on my screened porch takes precedence.
Ladies, we have earned the right to just take time to embrace a more relaxed time off.
I agree as well! I do wonder how much the political nastiness of the last decade or so has contributed. I feel like previously politics didn’t come up as much in general conversation, and if it did, you didn’t get excoriated if your beliefs didn’t match those of the people you were chatting with (or have to remain silent to protect yourself). I hope that we can get back to civility someday!
Alleluia…..and Amen to your post!! TOTALLY agree…
Amen to that
We must be kindred spirits along with many of your electronic friends! THANKS for sharing your wisdom and your vulnerability. As a recovering people pleaser, it has been hard for me to say, “No.” But, now my mantra is, “No, is a complete sentence!”
I could have written this! I was just telling my husband a few weeks ago that I have felt such a change in how I choose to socialize and what my limits are, now that I am in my late 50’s. I am an eternal people pleaser aka rarely saying no. Our summer was also extremely busy and though. it sounds like a first world problem (which I know it is) we committed ourselves to 3 big trips. By the last trip- a trip to Croatia with a big group of extended family, I was actually dreading it. I had so much anxiety packing again knowing I would be gone from the comforts of home for 9 more days when all I wanted was to be home doing my little every day routine.
We went- had a great time but I can tell you I was counting down the days until we got home! We had to turn around 4 days later and fly to Wyoming for a wedding. We have little planned for the next few months until the holidays come around and I could not be more thrilled! Even when someone asks us to go out to dinner, I am now telling friends “lets play it by ear and make it spontaneous”. Most understand. Learning to put ourselves first is liberating!
Susan
Totally agree! I used to socialize nonstop (also it was partly due to my career). But now at 58, I too have a smaller circle and I love it. Meaningful relationships with like minded people. My husband is a big golfer so socializes all the time. His social battery has a lot more energy than mine;-) As you said its about balance, can be tricky when one spouse wants to go out all the time! But he has accepted my limits and we have found a great balance. Love and enjoy these posts.
I am mid seventies. I love being with my family and 6 grandchildren. I am lucky enough to have 4 best friends that I met in 7 th grade ( 57 years ago!) Also I’ve been married for 51 years .All these things make me so happy. I love spending most of my time with this group! But I also love reading ,watching tv, and scrolling through my phone! I am enjoying my life fully and enjoy the balance of quiet time and socialization. 🌺
Hi Tina, love your IG, been following for a long time.
This post really resonated with me!
As I have gotten older, I struggle with still trying to keep a youthful outlook on life, not wanting to turn into a grumpy older woman, haha.
However, I now find myself getting overstimulated more easily and after traveling or even several hours of socializing, I am mentally drained. I certainly enjoy getting out and being in the company of my nearest and dearest but I find I need more “quiet” time now to keep my calmness and sanity.
Judging by the comments, it does seem this is kind of a natural progression with age though I do know a few older people that still thrive on a very busy traveling/social schedule.
Good for them! : )