*Always include pretty pictures to break up the text, holiday themed ones seemed appropriate**
Good Friday morning to everyone. Several months ago I was invited to speak to a small group of young female entrepreneurs at a private university club in the city. I was flattered (and a little nervous!) truth be told. I have, over the years, been asked a number of times to speak and often its involved traveling to their states which was not feasible for me (though I did it once when I was honored at the O’More College of Design) and another when I was set to speak at Table Art in Omaha, but got the flu instead.
This was an impressive group of about 20 women, each accomplished in many areas with inspiring stories. What women are doing today amazes me. I was one of four speakers, each of us from different backgrounds all with our own businesses (one was a doctor with her own practice but other three were in retail/ecommerce) We were asked a flurry of question afterwards, good and deep questions in fact. I enjoyed answering them and eased into the conversation telling my own story.
As things were winding down, one of the young woman came up to me and we ended up chatting for about 45 minutes. She had a very unique idea (not going to share topic or specifics as shes in the process of pursuing a patent) but I found it genuinely exciting and her enthusiasm was contagious. I told her I saw a little of myself (but started older) in her. I could feel her enthusiasm and love for the project. One of the last things she asked me was “If I was doing what I do at 30, what advice would I have given to my younger self?”
I though about it the entire ride home. And yes, secretly wishing I could turn back time and be 30 again! So thought this was a good segway for today’s Let’s Talk topic, advice I would give my younger self. I hope you will jump into the conversation and share your own thoughts….
_____________________________________________
Dreams & ambition Put yourself first. You miss every shot you don’t take. Dreaming fuels doing—and today almost anything is possible. No one will prioritize you the way you will. I am a big dreamer, always have been. I have zero regrets about staying home with my kids, but I wish I’d also kept a toe in post grad school or a small side venture. Well, actually I did have a small business when my kids were young (handpainting beautiful little wood pieces of furniture for kids) and created a beautiful line of hand assembled stationery so guess I did have a streak of that entrepreneurial spirit.
Women today are writing their own scripts, and I love that the glass ceiling is finally cracking. Those generational norms are changing. They are starting businesss, having babies (with or without partners) and building big careers. While there was not direct advice for me to stay home and raise kids, it just felt like that was the norm(in my circle of friends and family at that time in our world). My oldest was born when I was 22.
So it started early for me. I was a buyer at B Altmans (great store that it was) up until my 8th month of pregnancy. Then it was fast forward into motherhood, moving out of the city part time to the suburbs, having a second child 2 years later and then 5 years later, a third. Those were busy but such wonderful years. I was meant to be home with my boys, and would not change it for anything in the world, it was a privilege that I even had the option to do that. But at the same time, I am happy that women today do not feel that pressure as if its the only option. Dream big, because I believe almost anything is possible.
Health (mind and body) and maintenance Build good habits early. I’m not a fitness saint by any stretch, but pickleball a few times a week and strength training (started last week) for bone density are a good start. I hope to get a bit more vigilant. For the most part I am blessed with overall good health but know that can change so vigilance (within reason) is key. As for food…..well, what can I say? I love good food, I love cooking it and I love eating it! I try to be mindful, but lets be honest- around the holidays that mindfulness takes a long winter nap (hello baked brie)!
Be vigilant with yearly checkups and routine medical care. Don’t skip the basics and be super committed about getting your annual physical, mammogram, and of course OB-GYN visit. DO NOT SKIP THEM. Listen to your gut—address anything that feels off or not quite right, better to address an issue that is just starting then dealing wih a condition further down the road. When you are young, you can feel invincible and think that it will always be “someone else”. Life doesn’t always work that way. Listen to your body, I really do believe all women have that sixth instinct. So just keep up those 2 or 3 annual appointments for a peace of mind. AND WEAR SUNSCREEN (I can hear my mom’s voice now).
Love, marriage and friends Don’t settle. It applies to both a spouse and friendships, choosing character sometimes over instant chemistry. Choose a partner you trust, respect, and can be vulnerable with; the right choice helps you weather life’s twists. Someone who will be there for the long haul and likewise you for them. There can surely be societal pressure for women particularly around 30 to get married, start a family, etc..but it should never be at the sake of genuinely feeling like you love, respect and want to be with that person for life. Look at that person and say “those are the genes” I want in my future children. I married a man I love dearly and respect greatly, so though I got married really young, thankfully I made the right decision. Not sure 22 in today’s world is as practical, shaped by social media and rapid changes, more women starting careers, etc….
Friendships, too: over time I learned it’s quality over quantity. I used to have 30 people at a birthday luncheon, now I prefer a small intimate group or doing a few of them one on one with my special friends. My circle is smaller now, but rock solid—the people you can call at 2 a.m. are the ones who matter. We all evolve into different people. I have changed a lot since 30, as have my friends. Much more principled, a lot more stubborn, very staunch in my morals, so I tend to stay with those like minded friends. Since working (I did this part of life backwards, haha) , my time is much more limited. I have many acquaintances but a handful of truly good and special friends. I value the time we get to spend together and working on a better balance.
*For many 30 year olds, their parents are often in their 60’s or 70’s, take advantage of every single day you can to spent time with them. Its fleeting and your time with them is not endless. It goes by in a flash, create memories, let them tell their stories (over and over), take lots of pictures. Be present for them however often you can, you will never regret it.
Balance and boundaries (a work in progress) For 8 intense years I poured myself into building a brand and business—and sacrificed hobbies, outings, and sometimes myself. Turning 60 was a pivot: life isn’t getting longer. I’m actively working to create as much time as possible for my precious little Phillip, for maintaining good health, and for saying yes to celebrations I once missed. A wonderful work team makes that possible, and I’m deeply grateful. I would advise my 30 year old to pursue her dreams, work hard but make and allot time for spending time with those who mean something to you, to spending alone time as well (very important) and allowing time for new hobbies or engage in activities that bring you joy. Make it part of your weekly routine and make it non negotiable.
Boundaries are listening to your instincts whether its about work, friends and commitments, money and yes, digital boundaries are important for today’s 30 year old (example no devices after 9pm as an example or putting a timer on your phone for how much time you will spend on socia media). Actually that should apply to all of us now!
If something feels toxic, cut it out. I have learned the hard way at times, to guard your time, energy, and peace. I think bottom line is, women for the most part are quite intuitive. Trust your gut. At 30, many do not have the confidence to do that. But I would really drive home, while I am dispensing advice, to not ignore your instinct about work, life, relationships, health or people. We are more powerful than we realize.
Well this was a fun and cathartic exercise and good practice for my writing. Enjoyed this one a lot, hope you will chime in. I would love to hear- what would you tell your 20- or 30-year-old self—about work, love, health, friendship, or balance?
Thanks for stopping in, wishing everyone a wonderful Friday. Until next time…
Loved this topic. I too followed expectations and married at 24 ( husband was 23). I was in graduate school as was my spouse so we waited 4 years to have our first child. Worked until 4 weeks before due date and then quit my job. Admittedly I did not like my chosen field but I have regretted leaving the workforce for 40 years. Also regret my career choice at the time but again I was doing what was expected.
So I do have a lot of regrets but also was lit that I could stay home and parent 3 sons while my husband worked long hours as a physician.
I did work part time many years later in education but it wasn’t as fulfilling as I thought it would be.
Anyway I agree with you on all counts- especially with relationships, health and career.
A very enjoyable read. I am 55, and I agree with nearly everything you said. Today’s world for a 30 year old woman is vastly different. I look at my niece who is a physician, with 2 kids and still finds time to play tennis and golf. When I was 30, that was unusual. I am thrilled to see the progression of women succeeding in all sectors.
I would also add, travel, travel, travel as much and whenever you can. Especially when you are uncommitted and don’t have kids yet. See the world, it will forever change your perspective on life. I am a huge believer of that. I was one who did that, my college graduation gift to myself was to visit 3 continents which I did over 2 months (parents foot the bill). It to this day, was the best experience of my life.
Such great sage advice. I love seeing what young women are doing, like my 2 daughters, one in law school and the other teaching English abroad. They both hope to meet their forever someone but are not letting that hold them back from pursuing their futures/career. Its a tough world we live in today for these young people. Social media has ruined a lot of the experience of meeting someone/dating organically in my opinion. That is a shame. I will pass this onto them!
I LOVED this post, your words hold very true and I appreciate you taking the time to share such valuable life lessons especially as it relates to friendships and time with family. Thank you for continuing to be an email I open every day and enjoying the beauty that life provides us. Have a wonderful holiday season and here’s to living life to the fullest!
These let’s talk posts have become my favourite. I agree with all you have said. One think I would add, that I heard from someone, you can have it all, just not all at once. I resonated with your comment regarding parents telling the same story again and again. Yesterday I took my mother out for lunch to celebrate her 92nd birthday, she told me the same story for the 3rd time this week, I sat there and nodded and smiled as if it was the first time I had heard it.
Wonderful read and I do agree with it all. I would also say that sometimes, one never finds that partner for life and that’s OK too. My sister never married (almost did but realized he was not the one) , she is a very successful attorney, adopted the sweetest little girl, lives a full life, has lots of friends and is genuinely happy and fulfilled in life. I think its important for both women and men to understand, that that is OK too. It may happen but it may not.
I was a nurse and my husband a pediatric intensive care physician so we were both pretty well educated and traveled. BUT when I chose to stay home and raise my children, life changed for me. At professional (mostly medical) events or parties when someone asked what I “do”, they would literally turn on their heels and walk away as I surely couldn’t have anything interesting to say as a stay at home mom. If anyone was interested they would have come to know that I was president of the PTA, had a Girl Scout troop of 16 girls and a side business as a caterer. My advice to people would be to not judge someone by their job but take a few minutes to understand the person behind the title. I’m 72 yo now and have no regrets about my decision to forego my career for my family.
A job should not sum up a person!!! Only those who think a degree is everything,,,, it’s NOT,,, having a well rounded life with family that you enjoy spending time with,traveling,dining,exploring life,etc is a life full of joy,,, special friends round it out ,🥂
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*Always include pretty pictures to break up the text, holiday themed ones seemed appropriate**
Good Friday morning to everyone. Several months ago I was invited to speak to a small group of young female entrepreneurs at a private university club in the city. I was flattered (and a little nervous!) truth be told. I have, over the years, been asked a number of times to speak and often its involved traveling to their states which was not feasible for me (though I did it once when I was honored at the O’More College of Design) and another when I was set to speak at Table Art in Omaha, but got the flu instead.
This was an impressive group of about 20 women, each accomplished in many areas with inspiring stories. What women are doing today amazes me. I was one of four speakers, each of us from different backgrounds all with our own businesses (one was a doctor with her own practice but other three were in retail/ecommerce) We were asked a flurry of question afterwards, good and deep questions in fact. I enjoyed answering them and eased into the conversation telling my own story.
As things were winding down, one of the young woman came up to me and we ended up chatting for about 45 minutes. She had a very unique idea (not going to share topic or specifics as shes in the process of pursuing a patent) but I found it genuinely exciting and her enthusiasm was contagious. I told her I saw a little of myself (but started older) in her. I could feel her enthusiasm and love for the project. One of the last things she asked me was “If I was doing what I do at 30, what advice would I have given to my younger self?”
I though about it the entire ride home. And yes, secretly wishing I could turn back time and be 30 again! So thought this was a good segway for today’s Let’s Talk topic, advice I would give my younger self. I hope you will jump into the conversation and share your own thoughts….
_____________________________________________
Dreams & ambition Put yourself first. You miss every shot you don’t take. Dreaming fuels doing—and today almost anything is possible. No one will prioritize you the way you will. I am a big dreamer, always have been. I have zero regrets about staying home with my kids, but I wish I’d also kept a toe in post grad school or a small side venture. Well, actually I did have a small business when my kids were young (handpainting beautiful little wood pieces of furniture for kids) and created a beautiful line of hand assembled stationery so guess I did have a streak of that entrepreneurial spirit.
Women today are writing their own scripts, and I love that the glass ceiling is finally cracking. Those generational norms are changing. They are starting businesss, having babies (with or without partners) and building big careers. While there was not direct advice for me to stay home and raise kids, it just felt like that was the norm(in my circle of friends and family at that time in our world). My oldest was born when I was 22.
So it started early for me. I was a buyer at B Altmans (great store that it was) up until my 8th month of pregnancy. Then it was fast forward into motherhood, moving out of the city part time to the suburbs, having a second child 2 years later and then 5 years later, a third. Those were busy but such wonderful years. I was meant to be home with my boys, and would not change it for anything in the world, it was a privilege that I even had the option to do that. But at the same time, I am happy that women today do not feel that pressure as if its the only option. Dream big, because I believe almost anything is possible.
Health (mind and body) and maintenance Build good habits early. I’m not a fitness saint by any stretch, but pickleball a few times a week and strength training (started last week) for bone density are a good start. I hope to get a bit more vigilant. For the most part I am blessed with overall good health but know that can change so vigilance (within reason) is key. As for food…..well, what can I say? I love good food, I love cooking it and I love eating it! I try to be mindful, but lets be honest- around the holidays that mindfulness takes a long winter nap (hello baked brie)!
Be vigilant with yearly checkups and routine medical care. Don’t skip the basics and be super committed about getting your annual physical, mammogram, and of course OB-GYN visit. DO NOT SKIP THEM. Listen to your gut—address anything that feels off or not quite right, better to address an issue that is just starting then dealing wih a condition further down the road. When you are young, you can feel invincible and think that it will always be “someone else”. Life doesn’t always work that way. Listen to your body, I really do believe all women have that sixth instinct. So just keep up those 2 or 3 annual appointments for a peace of mind. AND WEAR SUNSCREEN (I can hear my mom’s voice now).
Love, marriage and friends Don’t settle. It applies to both a spouse and friendships, choosing character sometimes over instant chemistry. Choose a partner you trust, respect, and can be vulnerable with; the right choice helps you weather life’s twists. Someone who will be there for the long haul and likewise you for them. There can surely be societal pressure for women particularly around 30 to get married, start a family, etc..but it should never be at the sake of genuinely feeling like you love, respect and want to be with that person for life. Look at that person and say “those are the genes” I want in my future children. I married a man I love dearly and respect greatly, so though I got married really young, thankfully I made the right decision. Not sure 22 in today’s world is as practical, shaped by social media and rapid changes, more women starting careers, etc….
Friendships, too: over time I learned it’s quality over quantity. I used to have 30 people at a birthday luncheon, now I prefer a small intimate group or doing a few of them one on one with my special friends. My circle is smaller now, but rock solid—the people you can call at 2 a.m. are the ones who matter. We all evolve into different people. I have changed a lot since 30, as have my friends. Much more principled, a lot more stubborn, very staunch in my morals, so I tend to stay with those like minded friends. Since working (I did this part of life backwards, haha) , my time is much more limited. I have many acquaintances but a handful of truly good and special friends. I value the time we get to spend together and working on a better balance.
*For many 30 year olds, their parents are often in their 60’s or 70’s, take advantage of every single day you can to spent time with them. Its fleeting and your time with them is not endless. It goes by in a flash, create memories, let them tell their stories (over and over), take lots of pictures. Be present for them however often you can, you will never regret it.
Balance and boundaries (a work in progress) For 8 intense years I poured myself into building a brand and business—and sacrificed hobbies, outings, and sometimes myself. Turning 60 was a pivot: life isn’t getting longer. I’m actively working to create as much time as possible for my precious little Phillip, for maintaining good health, and for saying yes to celebrations I once missed. A wonderful work team makes that possible, and I’m deeply grateful. I would advise my 30 year old to pursue her dreams, work hard but make and allot time for spending time with those who mean something to you, to spending alone time as well (very important) and allowing time for new hobbies or engage in activities that bring you joy. Make it part of your weekly routine and make it non negotiable.
Boundaries are listening to your instincts whether its about work, friends and commitments, money and yes, digital boundaries are important for today’s 30 year old (example no devices after 9pm as an example or putting a timer on your phone for how much time you will spend on socia media). Actually that should apply to all of us now!
If something feels toxic, cut it out. I have learned the hard way at times, to guard your time, energy, and peace. I think bottom line is, women for the most part are quite intuitive. Trust your gut. At 30, many do not have the confidence to do that. But I would really drive home, while I am dispensing advice, to not ignore your instinct about work, life, relationships, health or people. We are more powerful than we realize.
Well this was a fun and cathartic exercise and good practice for my writing. Enjoyed this one a lot, hope you will chime in. I would love to hear- what would you tell your 20- or 30-year-old self—about work, love, health, friendship, or balance?
Thanks for stopping in, wishing everyone a wonderful Friday. Until next time…
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Loved this topic. I too followed expectations and married at 24 ( husband was 23). I was in graduate school as was my spouse so we waited 4 years to have our first child. Worked until 4 weeks before due date and then quit my job. Admittedly I did not like my chosen field but I have regretted leaving the workforce for 40 years. Also regret my career choice at the time but again I was doing what was expected.
So I do have a lot of regrets but also was lit that I could stay home and parent 3 sons while my husband worked long hours as a physician.
I did work part time many years later in education but it wasn’t as fulfilling as I thought it would be.
Anyway I agree with you on all counts- especially with relationships, health and career.
A very enjoyable read. I am 55, and I agree with nearly everything you said. Today’s world for a 30 year old woman is vastly different. I look at my niece who is a physician, with 2 kids and still finds time to play tennis and golf. When I was 30, that was unusual. I am thrilled to see the progression of women succeeding in all sectors.
I would also add, travel, travel, travel as much and whenever you can. Especially when you are uncommitted and don’t have kids yet. See the world, it will forever change your perspective on life. I am a huge believer of that. I was one who did that, my college graduation gift to myself was to visit 3 continents which I did over 2 months (parents foot the bill). It to this day, was the best experience of my life.
Such great sage advice. I love seeing what young women are doing, like my 2 daughters, one in law school and the other teaching English abroad. They both hope to meet their forever someone but are not letting that hold them back from pursuing their futures/career. Its a tough world we live in today for these young people. Social media has ruined a lot of the experience of meeting someone/dating organically in my opinion. That is a shame. I will pass this onto them!
I LOVED this post, your words hold very true and I appreciate you taking the time to share such valuable life lessons especially as it relates to friendships and time with family. Thank you for continuing to be an email I open every day and enjoying the beauty that life provides us. Have a wonderful holiday season and here’s to living life to the fullest!
I would like to hear more about your strength training? I’m thinking I should be doing the same thing!
These let’s talk posts have become my favourite. I agree with all you have said. One think I would add, that I heard from someone, you can have it all, just not all at once. I resonated with your comment regarding parents telling the same story again and again. Yesterday I took my mother out for lunch to celebrate her 92nd birthday, she told me the same story for the 3rd time this week, I sat there and nodded and smiled as if it was the first time I had heard it.
Wonderful read and I do agree with it all. I would also say that sometimes, one never finds that partner for life and that’s OK too. My sister never married (almost did but realized he was not the one) , she is a very successful attorney, adopted the sweetest little girl, lives a full life, has lots of friends and is genuinely happy and fulfilled in life. I think its important for both women and men to understand, that that is OK too. It may happen but it may not.
I was a nurse and my husband a pediatric intensive care physician so we were both pretty well educated and traveled. BUT when I chose to stay home and raise my children, life changed for me. At professional (mostly medical) events or parties when someone asked what I “do”, they would literally turn on their heels and walk away as I surely couldn’t have anything interesting to say as a stay at home mom. If anyone was interested they would have come to know that I was president of the PTA, had a Girl Scout troop of 16 girls and a side business as a caterer. My advice to people would be to not judge someone by their job but take a few minutes to understand the person behind the title. I’m 72 yo now and have no regrets about my decision to forego my career for my family.
A job should not sum up a person!!! Only those who think a degree is everything,,,, it’s NOT,,, having a well rounded life with family that you enjoy spending time with,traveling,dining,exploring life,etc is a life full of joy,,, special friends round it out ,🥂