Hi everyone. Every Saturday I share one or two of my dads emails that contain generally some form of humor, perspective, something funny or all three. I enjoy seeing what he sends over and apparently many of you do too. I told him he has his own little fan club:)<\/p>\n
So here are a few things he sent over that might start your Saturday off with a little laugh….<\/p>\n
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\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.<\/b><\/p>\n
2. To me, “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it.<\/p>\n
3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.<\/p>\n
4. It’s the start of a brand new day, and I’m off like a herd of turtles.<\/p>\n
5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.<\/p>\n
6. When I say, “The other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.<\/p>\n
7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.<\/p>\n
8. I had my patience tested. I’m negative.<\/p>\n
9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.<\/p>\n
10. If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, “Did you bring the money?”<\/p>\n
11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say “nothing,” it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.<\/p>\n
12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.<\/p>\n
13. I run like the winded.<\/p>\n
14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don’t know whose side I’m on.<\/p>\n
15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear?”<\/p>\n
16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?<\/p>\n
17. I don’t mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.<\/p>\n
18. When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “east.”<\/p>\n
19. Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That’ll freak you right out.<\/p>\n
20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.<\/p>\n
21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n
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