**Always include random pictures to break up the text, in this case using holiday, because..why not!**
Hi everyone! I’m so glad you enjoyed my hotel-rooms post—your comments were fantastic and honestly, I was surprised by how many of you felt exactly the same way. It was great validation for all my peeves! It definitely deserves a part two (coming soon), where we’ll dissect specific hotel brands and share favorites. Click here if you missed that one.
Today, a related topic: restaurants. We go out to socialize and enjoy the experience of being out, but if I’m honest, our best meals are almost always at home (we both agree). I know exactly what goes into our food, and there’s real peace of mind in that. So, here are my hangups with regard to restaurants-
Cleanliness Is Non-Negotiable Numero uno: cleanliness. If I walk in and it doesn’t feel clean or well cared for, I’m out. And yes, I have a thing about wall-to-wall carpeting in restaurants. Cozy in a bedroom? Absolutely. But in a place that serves food all day, every day, I want a surface—wood or tile—that can be truly sanitized. (Strong opinion, I know—but that’s mine!)
Side note for NYC/Tri-State friends: If you’re heading into New York City for dinner, the letter grade in the window matters—a lot. Restaurants are graded A, B, C, or GP (Grade Pending). Personally, I only dine at Grade A spots. This isn’t about formality—an A applies just as much to a tiny hole-in-the-wall pizza joint as it does to fine dining. It’s simply about standards and safety.
The Table Matters If we’re going somewhere “high-end,” I want a white tablecloth (and amazed at how many are increasingly forgoing this tradition). A freshly pressed, crisp one. I do not want to detect even a hint of stickiness on a bare tabletop at that price point. And while we’re at it, a simple bud vase with a few fresh flowers feels like such an easy touch of grace and maybe add a few votives while you are at it. Napkins should be whiteIf I’m wearing light colors, a dark napkin that sheds dye (hello, navy or black “shadow” on a dress) is a hard no. White napkins are classic, clean, and you can see they’re clean. In my book, every fine restaurant should default to white.
Service & Timing Most fine restaurants get this right, but not all:
Greet promptly with water (and perhaps bread). And please pay attention to when we need water refills, we shouldn’t have to go on a scavenger hunt for water!
Pace is important- give just enough time for a drink order, then the food order—no rushing, no disappearing act.
Course timing matters. Appetizers (and entrées) should arrive for everyone at the same time in a proper restaurant. Period. Makes me crazy when half of us have our dinner and the other half are waiting!
Please don’t clear plates early It’s Restaurant Etiquette 101: don’t start clearing when some guests are still eating. It feels rushed and—frankly—rude. I’ve (very politely) said, “Could we keep the plates until everyone’s finished, please?” That should be a given at any high-end spot.
Words matter A pet peeve I inherited from my mother: “Are you still working on that?” She loathed that phrase—and now I do, too. It sounds like we’re at a feeding trough. How about, “Are you finished with your meal?” Much nicer, and far more elegant.
Lighting Sets the Mood We went to a pop-up by a renowned sushi chef—food was amazing; lighting, abysmal. Harsh, overhead glare is not ambience. I love warm, layered light—little rechargeable lamps or votives on tables—and I wish every restaurant hired a proper lighting consultant. It changes everything such an important part of the entire dining experience!
Chairs Count too Chairs should invite you to linger. Nothing kills a beautiful meal faster than an uncomfortable seat—wrong pitch, itchy fabric, too low or too high for the table. Comfort is part of hospitality. And if a chair is dirty…I am out of there!
When to (Politely) Speak Up At a lovely French restaurant, one lobster appetizer missed the mark—chewy, not hot, and $70 to boot. I quietly told the server (after noting how delicious everything else was). The manager thanked us and later sent a few complimentary desserts—gracious and appreciated. I didn’t speak up to get something comped; I did it because feedback helps them keep standards high and frankly it was just bad. My husband is not one to do that ever so I guess I do it for both of us:)
If food arrives warm or cold. That is non negotiable! If you order steak say medium and it comes bright pink, then by all means I would speak up. If they bring the wrong dish, I am not going to sit there and eat the chefs mistake..I will speak up (politely of course)
I am so curious to hear what (if) you agree with any or all of these. Or if there other peeves that are non negotiable for you. Most of these apply to everything from casual to fine dining in my book (but don’t expect white tablecloths, flowers, etc..) in a casual spot. We have a local casual Italian place that we love, great food, prompt and efficient service and clean! So I think most of the same principles should apply across the board. Thanks for stopping in. Wishing everyone a great day!
P.S. Industry friends, weigh in! If you’re in the restaurant or food business, please, please enlighten us on my quirks—what am I getting right, what am I missing, and what trade-offs should diners understand behind the scenes?
P.S. Part two of the hotel-rooms discussion is coming soon—where we’ll dig into specific chains and share favorites. Stay tuned!
Our chinoiserie tree collar presale is on and we are almost sold out of a few of the colors! We are only getting in one shipment this holiday season, so get your order in today.
Agree with just about everything but the white napkins. I wear black A LOT and if a white napkin sheds, it makes a mess of my pants. I usually ask for a black napkin.
Have a wonderful weekend…
I agree with all of your comments.
I’m finding I’m not enjoying dinner out as much as I used to, mainly due to the food not living up to expectations, and service not as good as it used to be.
I completely agree with all of your comments! I’m in my 40’s and much prefer to eat at home. I once loved to go out to a nice restaurant but I find I am more and more disappointed. I can go to a nice restaurant and my silverware is dirty. No thank you! I love cooking and now that I’m an empty nester my evenings are an event for me! I enjoy pouring a glass of wine and listening to classical or jazz music while I cook for my husband and I. I’m never disappointed when I eat at home where I know everything will taste delicious and my silverware is clean!
Loudness is a factor I’d like to see discussed! Is it my age, but the trend for an “energetic” atmosphere is not my idea of ambiance. I go out to talk to my husband and friends, not lean across the table to hear them.
Proper use of language is important. I’m so tired of hearing the word ‘guys’ from wait staff. ‘Hi guys!’ ‘Are you guys ready to order?’ It’s bad enough in a casual dining restaurant but awful in a fine dining establishment. Same goes for ‘no problem’ instead of ‘you’re welcome.’ I sound just like my dad!!
Tina, everything you noted is spot on. The comments below are also my thoughts, especially the noise levels. Music too loud, causing customers to talk louder, to be heard. Too much sensory overload for a relaxing evening. The baffles on the ceiling have a large part to do with this. Our favorite little restaurant has the worst acoustics, so we eat at 5:30, before the noise level becomes unbearable.
There are some restaurants that purposely have uncomfortable chairs, and turn up the heat, so that the tables will turn, faster! I was a server in college and this was done!!!! Because I, like you, have highs standards, my husband worries when the service is subpar. He laughingly says I’m like a shark, and there’s blood in the water. He’s a bit dramatic.
I have especially struggled with servers whisking my husband’s plate away while I am still eating. He eats rather fast at times, and if I have a large salad, that requires more time to chew!. So many times in nice restaurants in our area, as soon as he finishes his last bite the waiter pounces on his plate when I have taken only a few bites of my meal. It literally enrages me because it happens so often. Sometimes it happens so fast I don’t even have a chance to speak. But I am becoming more aggressive about this issue because it is just so very rude.
I also agree about the glaring lighting in a fine dining restaurant. We have a nice restaurant called Farrington House in Chapel Hill. They have some seating that truly has terrible lighting. I really don’t understand this. And they have people who whisk the husband’s plate away while I literally have fork in hand going to my mouth.
I agree with everything with one addition, if we go to a high end restaurant, and I have on black or navy, I appreciate the server or hostess, replacing my white napkin with a black one so as to not getting white lint on my clothes.
Agree! I always speak up to leave plates until everyone is finished eating. And “are you still working on that” is just awful. In fact, it’s crude. I will let them know that I am “not finished eating.”
I agree with every point made. There are restaurants EVERYWHERE. If you own a restaurant, make it THE first choice for patrons.
My husband was a restaurateur for nearly 50 years. Everything was done “just so.” The health department annual rating never wnt below 98 percent, but almost always 100 percent.
Good help is difficult to find. He said that employees who understand the need for attention to detail and willingness to uphold high standards have been harder to find these days.
Interestingly enough, we rarely eat out. He said he’s seen atrocities behind the scenes and away from customer eyes 😬 that would make you sick to your stomach.
He always took pride in his place and never worried about the money. He firmly believed that if he did everything right, the money would follow and take care of itself.
He was right!
Thank you for these thoughtful discussions. I thought I was alone in my thoughts. Perhaps old-fashioned in my thinking. Nevertheless I am glad to be in good company!
Oh yes, one more thing. My husband had a firm policy about “fishing” for compliments from his guests. He found it to be tawdry. Instead, the servers were to ask, “I trust everything is to your satisfaction?” He also FORBADE them to ask while the guests mouths were full. Be considerate. Be aware of what’s happening. Don’t worry about checking boxes on a duty roster. He always told them that they could give themselves a “raise” in the form of good tips by making sure they provided exemplary service. Make your patrons comfortable and at ease.
Yes to most but: if wearing black darker napkin preferred.
Language comment is spot on from one of your readers…
Noise noise —need some soft surfaces and no loud music
Clean glasses and flatware…a Must
IMHO, agree with all, but will add that I like it when the waitress comes up AS SOON AS we are seated to get our drink orders. I like to enjoy my drink as we peruse and discuss the menu. Also, this peeve goes for patrons as well as bus people, they need to read the knife and fork language, First, the customer has to know to place the knife and fork together in the middle of the plate to indicate finished. Second, the bus people need to read that when the knife and fork are leaning on each side of the plate, then I am resting and NOT FINISHED so please do not take my plate away.
OMG, yes!
Training staff on the top 10 points is not so hard nor is it hard to understand.. Why are restaurants falling short of this simple job training requirement. It’s not rocket science.
And…restaurants w/live music…or not…for the love of mike…keep the decibals to minimal…our New Year fine dining totally ruined w/music so loud it was, for me, awful. Your idiosyncrasies are not, imo. ❤️
franki
Tina, That was an outstanding report you wrote to critique restaurant life. I appreciate all the experience you have to support your observations. The frequency of waiters asking if I’m still working on my food, topps my grievances. Thanks for all your effort, work and expertise. Rose Lee Josephson :I am now 87 years old and still enjoying your daily contribution.
My biggest peeve is noise! Many restaurants are like caves—lots of hard surfaces that bounce the sound around. If I can’t hear conversation at my own table. I won’t be back!
I totally agree with everything you feel should be in an A class restaurant.
My pet peeve is when I’m asked, “How are we doing?” vs “How are you doing?”
I’ll often answer, “I can’t speak for you but I’m doing fine..” Snarky , I know, but it drives me nuts!
Hi,
I didn’t comment on the hotel rooms, but would’ve affirmed all of the things you said about cleanliness. When I was working, my travel team knew that if a hotel didn’t have white comforter and white sheets, I wouldn’t stay there. I had a coworker who would “always “spill her water on the bedspread so it would have to be changed – lol. What a clever trick.
As it relates to restaurants, I agree with your standards and comments, but one other area that gives me insight is the restroom. If the floor is sticky and or I get an overall bad vibe… Absolutely creeps me out, and I won’t go back to eating at that place. After just spending two weeks in France, I feel as though a nice blend between the etiquette of a French waiter, with some American attentiveness to filling waters, and that would be a splendid combination.
In my neck of the woods, Essex Co. N.J. I’m finding it extremely difficult to find a restaurant with ambiance. Tablecloths? Hahaha! Good luck! Over the past two decades almost all the lovely restaurants caved to the sloppy dressers that no longer wanted to dress nicely to dine out, so when the dress code went out so did the interiors. They all switched over to hard surfaces, barn-like, industrial,ultra-modern cold places with zero personality. If you wear a halfway decent outfit you look way out of place among the tee shirts, shorts, sweatshirts, exercise outfits and jeans even in higher end more expensive establishments. It seems that desperation caused the proprietors to allow any and every person in rather than lose one customer and they caved to the younger people that didn’t want to bother looking good just to eat out. We have them to thank for no longer being able to dine in a place where you can dress up for a special occasion and enjoy a quiet intimate candlelit dinner in a pretty surrounding. Thanks for letting me vent! love your thoughts on this matter.
I couldn’t agree with you more. I prefer dining in, however I get tired of my cooking too. Rugs in restaurants make me crazy. I thought it was just me. lol.
I completely agree with you. I find that being overly rushed ruins the meal. That and an overly chatty waitstaff person. There is a reasonable line for both that can sway the total dining experience.
Bingo! You nailed all my pet peeves. I have two more- when they play loud music, hate that! Low soft music can be nice but if the restaurant does not have sound proofing (which most do not) then its just downright annoying. And a dirty restroom. Nothing can make me lose my appetite more than a dirty bathroom. A sign of how the kitchen is run.
So true about the ‘are you still working on that”! I hate that too. Sometimes. I will sarcastically say ” I am not working but if you are referring to me, eating, yes I am still eating”. I think a lot of the failings are due to finding good help. Here in the Atlanta area, even our best places have high turnover. It’s not like it used to be.
Cleanliness above else, and yes, to no carpet in a restaurant, yuck!
I agree with all your comments on dinning in restaurants. My husband often has to send back his meal. He likes his meat cooked well. When one is paying for something you should get what you want.
I agree 100%. If we go out I want it to be special, so often eat at home food is better. Have a hard time with new restaurants always fall back on what we know no matter the price point
I agree on ALL counts, and will add a few of my own.
1. Bringing up desert before everyone is finished. Worse, asking “did you leave room for desert?”
2. Not clearing up all the used utensils before bringing up the next course. Worse, placing a fork and knife on the table and clearing the plates only.
3. Bringing young children to adult ( expensive) restaurants. The kids are often loud and rambunctious ( to be expected and anticipated) and parents usually don’t care. The staff turns a blind eye, not wishing to alianate patrons so everyone else suffers.
4. Loud patrons— with each other or on the phone —to the detriment of everyone else..
The restaurants who maintain the “gold standard” are worth every penny.
Hi Tina ,
My biggest pet peeve is when I’m dining with friends & their cutlery is left any which way on a plate ! If you have finished eating, your knife & fork should be placed together in front of you at the 6.00 position . I cannot tell you how many people I have dined with where it’s just left “ scattered to the wind “. No wonder a waiter is left confused as to whether you’ve finished eating or not.
When dining in CA my girlfriends & I would often change out our serviettes for black instead of the white. Nothing worse than white lint all over a black outfit !!
I agree with you Tina, I found my self agreeing to everything. When we visited the USA we found the service exceptional with the waiting staff coming up to the table straight away with water and introducing themselves. It may be because the server relies heavily on tips but in Australia where they are paid a higher wage and tips are not expected service is much more laid back at times to the point you sometimes have to try and get their attention to order. I love a crisp white tablecloth but fewer and fewer restaurants use them sadly.
I agree with everything. In addition, I think it’s unbearably rude to use the speaker on your phone at a meal. For some reason people need to shout at their phone. Actually, I think it’s rude to have phone conversations at the table and/or texting and/or reading emails, etc. In my little world phones would be checked like a coat do everyone can enjoy their meals.
I agree about turning the music down so you can hear the people you’re having dinner – I don’t want to go deaf or get hoarse because of loud music.
Yes to all these! I love the rating system in the big cities, should be required everywhere!
1. NO loud music. period.
2. Judge the cleanliness of a bathroom in a restaurant by their cleaning standards, that tells a lot, Restrooms should be maintained on the hour.
3. Bringing me a cocktail that often these days is $16-20 and its not full! I will now politely speak up.
4. Funny what you said about carpeting in a restaurant. that’s a big no no for me- I will not eat there. VERY unsanitary
5. More restaurants are doing away with white tablecloths (cost) which makes me angry, it really does elevate the experience
6. Every fine dining restaurant needs a lighting consultant and needs to train their staff about timing once a guest sits down. Most don’t get it right. Likely because turnover especially these days is so high.
Totally agree with your list and your list on hotels, we are kindred spirits!
I agree with you Tina, and everyone else who posted here !! I would love to give some lessons in Deportment !! Taking the plates away is always a pet peeve of ours. Like many have said , I eat more slowly than my husband ! I really do enjoy my own cooking !! I have also been disappointed in the way that so few dress up at all, and even at a white linen tablecloth restaurant!! Can’t grown men get rid of a backward baseball cap 😂. I use candles and fresh flowers every night for just the two of us . Ambience and great food right here in my own home !! These were fun to read today !
Tina, we are sisters from a different Mrs. I agree wholeheartedly with all you have stated. One who has more peeves I believe is my 18 yo daughter. If she walks into any food establishment and the air con vents or heater vents or lighting are dusty, dirty, covered with spider webs she is out of there so fast. I can not stand dark napkins. Another thing we do is wipe the cutlery before using it. Another thing I notice is if their windows are clean, the amount of places I walk/drive past and say would never go there, look how dirty the windows are. My daughter also agrees with eating at home, she always says I can cook it better and she’s not wrong. My son is a plumber and has completed some repairs in restaurants and has told us he has left feeling sick seeing the state of the kitchens, some with clear evidence of vermin.
Agree completely with all..lighting, sound, pace, cleanliness….wish to add, menus that are 3D with dark, clear font that is easily readable. Sorry, I’m also not a bit fan of any ‘specials’ that are announced after I’ve considered the entire menu…please include them on a separate sheet inserted in the menu.
What’s wrong with the restaurant industry today? Both the greeters and servers are not properly trained anymore. They lack attentiveness, proper manners, and common sense. What comes to mind, I once had given my menu selection twice to my server because he was not paying attention and kept bringing the wrong order. In between each “reorder” session, my husband had been already eating his meal. I waited, and waited only to once again been brought the wrong menu meal. I sat for approximately 45 minutes with no food in front of me. I was so angry by the time we left and still not the correct dinner meal for me. I was so hungry I just ate what was served me, but I spoke with both the server and restaurant manager. I stated the situation and I was not about to pay for a meal I didn’t order. (IT WAS FREE) The server was fired and I never returned to that well-named restaurant.
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**Always include random pictures to break up the text, in this case using holiday, because..why not!**
Hi everyone! I’m so glad you enjoyed my hotel-rooms post—your comments were fantastic and honestly, I was surprised by how many of you felt exactly the same way. It was great validation for all my peeves! It definitely deserves a part two (coming soon), where we’ll dissect specific hotel brands and share favorites. Click here if you missed that one.
Today, a related topic: restaurants. We go out to socialize and enjoy the experience of being out, but if I’m honest, our best meals are almost always at home (we both agree). I know exactly what goes into our food, and there’s real peace of mind in that. So, here are my hangups with regard to restaurants-
Cleanliness Is Non-Negotiable Numero uno: cleanliness. If I walk in and it doesn’t feel clean or well cared for, I’m out. And yes, I have a thing about wall-to-wall carpeting in restaurants. Cozy in a bedroom? Absolutely. But in a place that serves food all day, every day, I want a surface—wood or tile—that can be truly sanitized. (Strong opinion, I know—but that’s mine!)
Side note for NYC/Tri-State friends: If you’re heading into New York City for dinner, the letter grade in the window matters—a lot. Restaurants are graded A, B, C, or GP (Grade Pending). Personally, I only dine at Grade A spots. This isn’t about formality—an A applies just as much to a tiny hole-in-the-wall pizza joint as it does to fine dining. It’s simply about standards and safety.
The Table Matters If we’re going somewhere “high-end,” I want a white tablecloth (and amazed at how many are increasingly forgoing this tradition). A freshly pressed, crisp one. I do not want to detect even a hint of stickiness on a bare tabletop at that price point. And while we’re at it, a simple bud vase with a few fresh flowers feels like such an easy touch of grace and maybe add a few votives while you are at it. Napkins should be whiteIf I’m wearing light colors, a dark napkin that sheds dye (hello, navy or black “shadow” on a dress) is a hard no. White napkins are classic, clean, and you can see they’re clean. In my book, every fine restaurant should default to white.
Service & Timing Most fine restaurants get this right, but not all:
Please don’t clear plates early It’s Restaurant Etiquette 101: don’t start clearing when some guests are still eating. It feels rushed and—frankly—rude. I’ve (very politely) said, “Could we keep the plates until everyone’s finished, please?” That should be a given at any high-end spot.
Words matter A pet peeve I inherited from my mother: “Are you still working on that?” She loathed that phrase—and now I do, too. It sounds like we’re at a feeding trough. How about, “Are you finished with your meal?” Much nicer, and far more elegant.
Lighting Sets the Mood We went to a pop-up by a renowned sushi chef—food was amazing; lighting, abysmal. Harsh, overhead glare is not ambience. I love warm, layered light—little rechargeable lamps or votives on tables—and I wish every restaurant hired a proper lighting consultant. It changes everything such an important part of the entire dining experience!
Chairs Count too Chairs should invite you to linger. Nothing kills a beautiful meal faster than an uncomfortable seat—wrong pitch, itchy fabric, too low or too high for the table. Comfort is part of hospitality. And if a chair is dirty…I am out of there!
When to (Politely) Speak Up At a lovely French restaurant, one lobster appetizer missed the mark—chewy, not hot, and $70 to boot. I quietly told the server (after noting how delicious everything else was). The manager thanked us and later sent a few complimentary desserts—gracious and appreciated. I didn’t speak up to get something comped; I did it because feedback helps them keep standards high and frankly it was just bad. My husband is not one to do that ever so I guess I do it for both of us:)
If food arrives warm or cold. That is non negotiable! If you order steak say medium and it comes bright pink, then by all means I would speak up. If they bring the wrong dish, I am not going to sit there and eat the chefs mistake..I will speak up (politely of course)
I am so curious to hear what (if) you agree with any or all of these. Or if there other peeves that are non negotiable for you. Most of these apply to everything from casual to fine dining in my book (but don’t expect white tablecloths, flowers, etc..) in a casual spot. We have a local casual Italian place that we love, great food, prompt and efficient service and clean! So I think most of the same principles should apply across the board. Thanks for stopping in. Wishing everyone a great day!
P.S. Industry friends, weigh in! If you’re in the restaurant or food business, please, please enlighten us on my quirks—what am I getting right, what am I missing, and what trade-offs should diners understand behind the scenes?
P.S. Part two of the hotel-rooms discussion is coming soon—where we’ll dig into specific chains and share favorites. Stay tuned!
Also if you missed our fabulous on all things wallpaper yesterday, click here
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Our chinoiserie tree collar presale is on and we are almost sold out of a few of the colors! We are only getting in one shipment this holiday season, so get your order in today.
Click here
Agree with all your views. Thank you Tina
Agree with just about everything but the white napkins. I wear black A LOT and if a white napkin sheds, it makes a mess of my pants. I usually ask for a black napkin.
Have a wonderful weekend…
I agree with all of your comments.
I’m finding I’m not enjoying dinner out as much as I used to, mainly due to the food not living up to expectations, and service not as good as it used to be.
I’ve had that happen with black or dark clothing. I never thought to ask for a black napkin – wonder if many places have them…..
I completely agree with all of your comments! I’m in my 40’s and much prefer to eat at home. I once loved to go out to a nice restaurant but I find I am more and more disappointed. I can go to a nice restaurant and my silverware is dirty. No thank you! I love cooking and now that I’m an empty nester my evenings are an event for me! I enjoy pouring a glass of wine and listening to classical or jazz music while I cook for my husband and I. I’m never disappointed when I eat at home where I know everything will taste delicious and my silverware is clean!
Loudness is a factor I’d like to see discussed! Is it my age, but the trend for an “energetic” atmosphere is not my idea of ambiance. I go out to talk to my husband and friends, not lean across the table to hear them.
Amen, sister!
Proper use of language is important. I’m so tired of hearing the word ‘guys’ from wait staff. ‘Hi guys!’ ‘Are you guys ready to order?’ It’s bad enough in a casual dining restaurant but awful in a fine dining establishment. Same goes for ‘no problem’ instead of ‘you’re welcome.’ I sound just like my dad!!
Tina, everything you noted is spot on. The comments below are also my thoughts, especially the noise levels. Music too loud, causing customers to talk louder, to be heard. Too much sensory overload for a relaxing evening. The baffles on the ceiling have a large part to do with this. Our favorite little restaurant has the worst acoustics, so we eat at 5:30, before the noise level becomes unbearable.
There are some restaurants that purposely have uncomfortable chairs, and turn up the heat, so that the tables will turn, faster! I was a server in college and this was done!!!! Because I, like you, have highs standards, my husband worries when the service is subpar. He laughingly says I’m like a shark, and there’s blood in the water. He’s a bit dramatic.
I have especially struggled with servers whisking my husband’s plate away while I am still eating. He eats rather fast at times, and if I have a large salad, that requires more time to chew!. So many times in nice restaurants in our area, as soon as he finishes his last bite the waiter pounces on his plate when I have taken only a few bites of my meal. It literally enrages me because it happens so often. Sometimes it happens so fast I don’t even have a chance to speak. But I am becoming more aggressive about this issue because it is just so very rude.
I also agree about the glaring lighting in a fine dining restaurant. We have a nice restaurant called Farrington House in Chapel Hill. They have some seating that truly has terrible lighting. I really don’t understand this. And they have people who whisk the husband’s plate away while I literally have fork in hand going to my mouth.
I agree with everything with one addition, if we go to a high end restaurant, and I have on black or navy, I appreciate the server or hostess, replacing my white napkin with a black one so as to not getting white lint on my clothes.
Agree! I always speak up to leave plates until everyone is finished eating. And “are you still working on that” is just awful. In fact, it’s crude. I will let them know that I am “not finished eating.”
I agree with you 100% on everything you said. White napkins are a must and NO carpeting!!
I agree with every point made. There are restaurants EVERYWHERE. If you own a restaurant, make it THE first choice for patrons.
My husband was a restaurateur for nearly 50 years. Everything was done “just so.” The health department annual rating never wnt below 98 percent, but almost always 100 percent.
Good help is difficult to find. He said that employees who understand the need for attention to detail and willingness to uphold high standards have been harder to find these days.
Interestingly enough, we rarely eat out. He said he’s seen atrocities behind the scenes and away from customer eyes 😬 that would make you sick to your stomach.
He always took pride in his place and never worried about the money. He firmly believed that if he did everything right, the money would follow and take care of itself.
He was right!
Thank you for these thoughtful discussions. I thought I was alone in my thoughts. Perhaps old-fashioned in my thinking. Nevertheless I am glad to be in good company!
Oh yes, one more thing. My husband had a firm policy about “fishing” for compliments from his guests. He found it to be tawdry. Instead, the servers were to ask, “I trust everything is to your satisfaction?” He also FORBADE them to ask while the guests mouths were full. Be considerate. Be aware of what’s happening. Don’t worry about checking boxes on a duty roster. He always told them that they could give themselves a “raise” in the form of good tips by making sure they provided exemplary service. Make your patrons comfortable and at ease.
High noise level is a big problem even in the nicest restaurants. Acoustic tiles can be discreet and so effective!!
I agree with all your comments! I appreciate the proper lighting where I dine. It can enhance the ambience to a great degree.
Yes to most but: if wearing black darker napkin preferred.
Language comment is spot on from one of your readers…
Noise noise —need some soft surfaces and no loud music
Clean glasses and flatware…a Must
IMHO, agree with all, but will add that I like it when the waitress comes up AS SOON AS we are seated to get our drink orders. I like to enjoy my drink as we peruse and discuss the menu. Also, this peeve goes for patrons as well as bus people, they need to read the knife and fork language, First, the customer has to know to place the knife and fork together in the middle of the plate to indicate finished. Second, the bus people need to read that when the knife and fork are leaning on each side of the plate, then I am resting and NOT FINISHED so please do not take my plate away.
OMG, yes!
Training staff on the top 10 points is not so hard nor is it hard to understand.. Why are restaurants falling short of this simple job training requirement. It’s not rocket science.
You nailed everything beautifully
Right On!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And…restaurants w/live music…or not…for the love of mike…keep the decibals to minimal…our New Year fine dining totally ruined w/music so loud it was, for me, awful. Your idiosyncrasies are not, imo. ❤️
franki
Tina, That was an outstanding report you wrote to critique restaurant life. I appreciate all the experience you have to support your observations. The frequency of waiters asking if I’m still working on my food, topps my grievances. Thanks for all your effort, work and expertise. Rose Lee Josephson :I am now 87 years old and still enjoying your daily contribution.
My biggest peeve is noise! Many restaurants are like caves—lots of hard surfaces that bounce the sound around. If I can’t hear conversation at my own table. I won’t be back!
I totally agree with everything you feel should be in an A class restaurant.
My pet peeve is when I’m asked, “How are we doing?” vs “How are you doing?”
I’ll often answer, “I can’t speak for you but I’m doing fine..” Snarky , I know, but it drives me nuts!
Hi,
I didn’t comment on the hotel rooms, but would’ve affirmed all of the things you said about cleanliness. When I was working, my travel team knew that if a hotel didn’t have white comforter and white sheets, I wouldn’t stay there. I had a coworker who would “always “spill her water on the bedspread so it would have to be changed – lol. What a clever trick.
As it relates to restaurants, I agree with your standards and comments, but one other area that gives me insight is the restroom. If the floor is sticky and or I get an overall bad vibe… Absolutely creeps me out, and I won’t go back to eating at that place. After just spending two weeks in France, I feel as though a nice blend between the etiquette of a French waiter, with some American attentiveness to filling waters, and that would be a splendid combination.
Additionally, loud music or the bang, bang, bang type of music. We come to relax, have a lovely meal, and not be overwhelmed by music.
In my neck of the woods, Essex Co. N.J. I’m finding it extremely difficult to find a restaurant with ambiance. Tablecloths? Hahaha! Good luck! Over the past two decades almost all the lovely restaurants caved to the sloppy dressers that no longer wanted to dress nicely to dine out, so when the dress code went out so did the interiors. They all switched over to hard surfaces, barn-like, industrial,ultra-modern cold places with zero personality. If you wear a halfway decent outfit you look way out of place among the tee shirts, shorts, sweatshirts, exercise outfits and jeans even in higher end more expensive establishments. It seems that desperation caused the proprietors to allow any and every person in rather than lose one customer and they caved to the younger people that didn’t want to bother looking good just to eat out. We have them to thank for no longer being able to dine in a place where you can dress up for a special occasion and enjoy a quiet intimate candlelit dinner in a pretty surrounding. Thanks for letting me vent! love your thoughts on this matter.
I couldn’t agree with you more. I prefer dining in, however I get tired of my cooking too. Rugs in restaurants make me crazy. I thought it was just me. lol.
I completely agree with you. I find that being overly rushed ruins the meal. That and an overly chatty waitstaff person. There is a reasonable line for both that can sway the total dining experience.
Bingo! You nailed all my pet peeves. I have two more- when they play loud music, hate that! Low soft music can be nice but if the restaurant does not have sound proofing (which most do not) then its just downright annoying. And a dirty restroom. Nothing can make me lose my appetite more than a dirty bathroom. A sign of how the kitchen is run.
So true about the ‘are you still working on that”! I hate that too. Sometimes. I will sarcastically say ” I am not working but if you are referring to me, eating, yes I am still eating”. I think a lot of the failings are due to finding good help. Here in the Atlanta area, even our best places have high turnover. It’s not like it used to be.
Cleanliness above else, and yes, to no carpet in a restaurant, yuck!
I agree with all your comments on dinning in restaurants. My husband often has to send back his meal. He likes his meat cooked well. When one is paying for something you should get what you want.
I agree 100%. If we go out I want it to be special, so often eat at home food is better. Have a hard time with new restaurants always fall back on what we know no matter the price point
I agree on ALL counts, and will add a few of my own.
1. Bringing up desert before everyone is finished. Worse, asking “did you leave room for desert?”
2. Not clearing up all the used utensils before bringing up the next course. Worse, placing a fork and knife on the table and clearing the plates only.
3. Bringing young children to adult ( expensive) restaurants. The kids are often loud and rambunctious ( to be expected and anticipated) and parents usually don’t care. The staff turns a blind eye, not wishing to alianate patrons so everyone else suffers.
4. Loud patrons— with each other or on the phone —to the detriment of everyone else..
The restaurants who maintain the “gold standard” are worth every penny.
As an upscale restraunter.
White napkins shed on black clothes unless they are linen.
Most restaurants do not do linen.
Hi Tina ,
My biggest pet peeve is when I’m dining with friends & their cutlery is left any which way on a plate ! If you have finished eating, your knife & fork should be placed together in front of you at the 6.00 position . I cannot tell you how many people I have dined with where it’s just left “ scattered to the wind “. No wonder a waiter is left confused as to whether you’ve finished eating or not.
When dining in CA my girlfriends & I would often change out our serviettes for black instead of the white. Nothing worse than white lint all over a black outfit !!
I agree with you Tina, I found my self agreeing to everything. When we visited the USA we found the service exceptional with the waiting staff coming up to the table straight away with water and introducing themselves. It may be because the server relies heavily on tips but in Australia where they are paid a higher wage and tips are not expected service is much more laid back at times to the point you sometimes have to try and get their attention to order. I love a crisp white tablecloth but fewer and fewer restaurants use them sadly.
I agree with everything. In addition, I think it’s unbearably rude to use the speaker on your phone at a meal. For some reason people need to shout at their phone. Actually, I think it’s rude to have phone conversations at the table and/or texting and/or reading emails, etc. In my little world phones would be checked like a coat do everyone can enjoy their meals.
I agree about turning the music down so you can hear the people you’re having dinner – I don’t want to go deaf or get hoarse because of loud music.
Yes to all these! I love the rating system in the big cities, should be required everywhere!
1. NO loud music. period.
2. Judge the cleanliness of a bathroom in a restaurant by their cleaning standards, that tells a lot, Restrooms should be maintained on the hour.
3. Bringing me a cocktail that often these days is $16-20 and its not full! I will now politely speak up.
4. Funny what you said about carpeting in a restaurant. that’s a big no no for me- I will not eat there. VERY unsanitary
5. More restaurants are doing away with white tablecloths (cost) which makes me angry, it really does elevate the experience
6. Every fine dining restaurant needs a lighting consultant and needs to train their staff about timing once a guest sits down. Most don’t get it right. Likely because turnover especially these days is so high.
Totally agree with your list and your list on hotels, we are kindred spirits!
I agree with you Tina, and everyone else who posted here !! I would love to give some lessons in Deportment !! Taking the plates away is always a pet peeve of ours. Like many have said , I eat more slowly than my husband ! I really do enjoy my own cooking !! I have also been disappointed in the way that so few dress up at all, and even at a white linen tablecloth restaurant!! Can’t grown men get rid of a backward baseball cap 😂. I use candles and fresh flowers every night for just the two of us . Ambience and great food right here in my own home !! These were fun to read today !
Love all your rules for restaurants totally agree.
So well said about dining.
Tina, we are sisters from a different Mrs. I agree wholeheartedly with all you have stated. One who has more peeves I believe is my 18 yo daughter. If she walks into any food establishment and the air con vents or heater vents or lighting are dusty, dirty, covered with spider webs she is out of there so fast. I can not stand dark napkins. Another thing we do is wipe the cutlery before using it. Another thing I notice is if their windows are clean, the amount of places I walk/drive past and say would never go there, look how dirty the windows are. My daughter also agrees with eating at home, she always says I can cook it better and she’s not wrong. My son is a plumber and has completed some repairs in restaurants and has told us he has left feeling sick seeing the state of the kitchens, some with clear evidence of vermin.
Agree completely with all..lighting, sound, pace, cleanliness….wish to add, menus that are 3D with dark, clear font that is easily readable. Sorry, I’m also not a bit fan of any ‘specials’ that are announced after I’ve considered the entire menu…please include them on a separate sheet inserted in the menu.
What’s wrong with the restaurant industry today? Both the greeters and servers are not properly trained anymore. They lack attentiveness, proper manners, and common sense. What comes to mind, I once had given my menu selection twice to my server because he was not paying attention and kept bringing the wrong order. In between each “reorder” session, my husband had been already eating his meal. I waited, and waited only to once again been brought the wrong menu meal. I sat for approximately 45 minutes with no food in front of me. I was so angry by the time we left and still not the correct dinner meal for me. I was so hungry I just ate what was served me, but I spoke with both the server and restaurant manager. I stated the situation and I was not about to pay for a meal I didn’t order. (IT WAS FREE) The server was fired and I never returned to that well-named restaurant.