Good morning everyone. It’s another round of “Let’s Talk,” and today’s feels a little more personal… and honestly, a little sad. I would really love to know if you’ve ever experienced something like this, and more importantly—how you would handle it.
As many of you know, I tend to do my food shopping a bit differently. Since it’s just the two of us now, I shop in little “drips and drabs,” going to the places I truly enjoy—my local seafood shop, the butcher, a wonderful local produce shop… all these unique specialty stores that make shopping feel like an experience rather than a chore.
But of course, there are always basics you can only get at a regular supermarket. So I have my local market for that, and I’m usually in and out in minutes, often using the self-checkout.Over time, I started noticing the woman who oversees that area. She’s older—if I had to guess, I’d say well into her 80s. She always seems very sweet, but also… not in the best health. I’m someone who tends to notice these things. I definitely think I am an empath, I take on others emotions and cannot shake their suspected suffering and am always very aware of anyone in distress. I don’t know if that makes me overly aware or just sensitive, but I do.
The other evening around 7:30, I ran in to grab coffee realizing we were out and couldn’t handle the thought of waking up to no coffee. The store was unusually quiet (note to self—night shopping is actually really nice), and in my rush, I accidentally rang the coffee up twice.I looked over at her. She was sitting on a small stool. I explained what happened and asked for help.
She slowly stood up and made her way over to me—and it was clear she was struggling. She had a very noticeable limp, and it honestly looked like she was in pain just walking those few steps. She seemed just….so tired. And in that moment, my heart just sank. I found myself thinking—what kind of a country do we live in where someone who appears to be in her 80s, not in great health, is working at night in a supermarket… likely for minimum wage?
I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
All I could think was—this is someone’s mother. Someone’s grandmother. And if one of my parents were in that position, struggling physically and having to work like that, it would absolutely break me. I’ll be honest—I had a very strong impulse in that moment to go to the ATM, take out some money, and give it to her. To say something like, “Please take a few days off and rest.”
I seriously considered it. But I didn’t.
Because I paused and thought… would that feel kind? Or would it feel like pity? Would it be helpful… or unintentionally hurtful or demeaning?
And that’s what has stayed with me.
I haven’t been able to shake the feeling that I want to do something—anything—to make her life just a little bit easier. At one point, I even found myself thinking (and I know this sounds a little crazy), what if I offered to help supplement her income a little so she could work less?
But then again… is that crossing a line? This is where I struggle.
Because on one hand, I know there are people who would say, “That’s just life. Mind your business.”
But that’s never really been who I am.
There have been moments in the past where I’ve felt this same pull to help, and when I’ve acted on it, it’s led to something truly meaningful. Some of you might remember when, together, we helped a young girl who had been overlooked and didn’t have access to the wheelchair she needed. Because of this community that I built, we were able to step in and change her world in a very real way. I will never forget that. And her dad, still reaches out to me from time to time to thank me immensely for what all did.
So when I feel something like this, it’s hard for me to just look away.
But this situation feels different. It’s more delicate. It involves dignity, independence, and a life story I don’t know. So I’m sitting with it.
Do you step in?
Do you say something?
Do I offer to start a Go Fund Me?
Do you offer help—and if so, how do you do it in a way that feels respectful and not intrusive?
Or is the kindest thing simply to be warm, patient, and human in those small interactions?
I truly don’t have the answer.
I just know that I can’t quite let it go, and that usually means there’s something worth paying attention to.
So I’m opening this up to your opinion.
Have you ever been in a situation like this?
What would you do?
How would you approach it?
As always, I value your thoughts more than you know. OK your turn to weigh in…..
I look forward to hearing what you have to say. Your opinions always carry weight and offer a new perspective. Thanks for stopping in,wishing everyone a wonderful day. Until next time….
Here is our deal of the day! Our charming bunny pagoda!
Tina,
You are so kind. Giving isn’t always at the church offering, but to those we see in our daily life.
It could be she works to pay for an expensive medication, or to pay off a car loan or for unforeseen circumstances. I don’t know if the manager will be forthcoming or could be even jealous with your question. But, give it a try. Little acts of kindness, is what we all need to do, be it a thank you, or a smile.
Maybe talk to the store manager to get some background info. If your feelings persist, that’s your instinct telling you to help. You should move forward after doing a bit of background checking.
Being kind to someone is the best gift you can give. Maybe she’s lonely and this job isn’t as much a financial need as an emotional need. My grandmother walked a mile on a dirt road every day until she was 90 in hopes that a neighbor would pop out to say hello.
Hi Tina, what if you went in a few future nights and just engaged conversation to find out a little more of her situation. Possibly that could lead to insight in what to do next regarding her job and financial situation.
The recent story about the older man who did, I think it was Door Dash deliveries, and looked like he struggled to get up the steps comes to mind. Someone, like yourself, took action and started a Go Fund Me and he no longer had to supplement his finances. In any event good luck with this. Let’s all watch out for one another!
Is there a way to help her anonymously? Kindness, compassion, love is what binds us together. In the end we are all the same. In these troubled times we need each other. Trust your heart ❤️
I thought about it, I would need to get her name then I guess I could drop an envelope to the service desk for them to give her. I have to sit on this for a bit, a lot of great ideas here!
Hi Tina , I considered the situation with the older lady. Perhaps the next time you are in the grocery store you could approach the store manager about your concerns ? She may give you a little insight into the situation if you said you’d like to help ? That way you’re being discrete & not actually approaching the lady directly. And from that conversation you’ll be heading “ in the right direction “ for you !
We should all have Kind Days ; when we think of others around us.
Start a go fund me fir the lady. I have seen a few if these for elderly workers and with the amount collected, they have been able to retire in a matter of a couple of weeks.
Start a go fund me for the lady. I have seen a few of these for elderly workers lately that someone came across and with the amount collected, they have been able to retire in a matter of a couple of weeks.
I would have to know more information about her first and would need her permission,etc….I agree though it is amazing what can happen as a result of a Go Fund Me!
It is sad but her reason for being there could be the opposite of what you’re thinking.. Make a point of talking to her and get to know her and what her situation might be.. Maybe she does need to supplement her income or she just needs to be out and about.
It crossed my mind but she looked like she was suffering/in pain so for that reason I thought it unlikely. Plus at night at the market, its as skeleton crew so not the same kind of energy as during the day.Of course I am only guessing, will see how this goes.
I don’t understand why you immediately blamed our country !!!! What if I flipped the situation and said what kind of country do we live in to allow people to be very rich !!!!!! We live in a free country where we get to make personal decisions which can be wise or foolish . We also live in one of the most generous countries in the world ! There are government programs and charitable organizations and churches that are willing and ready to help those worthy . You don’t know the situation at all . We should all decide when and how to be “a cheerful “ giver . You can think of how to offer help to her privately .
Well with all due respect the U.S. ranks nearly at the bottom (or at the bottom) of high income countries with regard to accessibility, cost and health equity. Two things can be true at once- we can live in a country where people have the opportunity to become very rich and the elderly can have limited access so high quality affordable health care. I have a relative who works in this field (and has for over 25 years) and feel pretty well informed on the subject.I will agree to disagree with your comment.
Tina, I love your heart. I believe that God is nudging you to help her. Befriend and adopt her. You won’t be making a mistake no matter how you handle it because your love will shine through. God bless you!
It could be that an opportunity to “tip” her might come, such as Mother’s Day, or her birthday [[if you should come to know it] or Christmas, of course. Thanking her for a job well done after seeing her week after week for so many years might be appreciated. She might be touched that you have taken notice of her. A discreet envelope with whatever you might choose to give might be touching to her. I have had several occasions to give in this way over the years and it has always had a favorable outcome.
I would try to talk to her and
Ask if she could use some help. Like you, I worry about people who appear to be struggling. It bothers me that a person in her situation would feel unseen. Even if she refuses help she would know that someone cares about her.
Kindness and compassion are NEVER wrong, and thank you for being sensitive to her situation. I would just ask her directly if/how you could be of assistance, perhaps mentioning your concern for her. I just can’t imagine she would be offended about someone caring about her…..
Empathy and kindness need not be apologized for. I would have some cash to put in her hand and just say this is something I received and would like to pass on. Her reaction in the future would help guide you. This world needs more people like you.
Tina,
You are so kind. I feel that I am an empath as well and things like this just sit different with people wired like us. I think speaking with the store manager would be a good place to start and I truly believe that this community and broader social media could truly help her with a Go Fund Me. I’ve seen a few stories with life changing results. You have the platform, I say do it!
I would speak with the store manager. Mention that you are concerned about this woman and is there any way you can help. It just may that she likes to work and getting out of the house and meeting people.
Always lead with your heart. Thank you for being the thoughtful and kind person you are There seems to be less people like you.
God Bless you.
I would visit her at night, when the store isn’t as busy. I would strike up a conversation beginning with” how are you doing? I noticed that you are limping a bit. Your cue will be her response. If she engages with you and explains what is happening in her life, then maybe you could say” you have been on my mind since seeing you the other night. My mom is no longer with us and in her latter years she was not well. I know how difficult it is to carry on with everyday life, when our health is not at its best, and I am worried about you working so hard. I would like to help you if I can, and it would be an honor if you would allow me to do so.” If she seems embarrassed. Then say” sometimes we all need a little” leg up” and I know that I have sure appreciated help in the past.” I have a feeling that the guard will come down and she will feel your empathy, and your connection. I’m grateful for you and for your empathy… we all should be more aware of those in need, reach out more and connect with one another. The world would be a far better place.If she is not engaging, then I would build a connection. Maybe those evening stops at the store might become more often, and you could begin speaking with her regularly to build a connection. Please keep us posted.
I think saying something might be embarrassing, but you could say, “I come here a lot, and you have always been so helpful.” I would love to give you a little something and offer that. I suppose you could start a GoFundMe; people do. Although some people might be embarrassed by that. My dad worked until he was 92. He loved it, and if someone offered him money, he would have been embarrassed, probably. I’m not sure he would have accepted it. Once, someone did buy him dinner when he was eating alone at a restaurant. He, in his words, was tickled by that. I think most people will end up working their entire life as we move forward
If I had the wherewithal I’d write a BIG check, find out her name and address, mail it to her, and leave it up to her whether to cash it or not. Or, even better, do so anonymously through an intermediary. If you haven’t seen it, watch the 1954 movie “Magnificent Obsession”.
I would first talk with the store manager as others have suggested, Then hopefully you could help her with paying off a bill etc, I know you have a kind heart,❤️
I would not mention a thing to the manager who might feel instantly defensive, but gently open a conversation with her next time. She may or may not be open to discussing her physical or financial situation with a stranger, and her dignity must be respected. Turn yourself into a non-stranger by noting her familiar face when you shop and how she helped you when you goofed up. Then ask if she was not feeling well that day or just pooped. This may safely open the door.
Tina, it is humbling that you trust us, your “community” with this privilege to offer some thoughts on the matter. Susan Alexander has nailed it. Absolutely. As have so many others who have commented here already. You have been specially prepared by God all your life to become this marvelous woman that you are. Your sensitivity, awareness, and empathy are sterling gifts. Use them as you are led. You will not be making a mistake. This caring response to a fellow human being is, to my mind, why we are all here in the first place! Please would you let us know the outcome?
I would definitely NOT go to the manager. It might put her job in danger if the manager thinks the public is thinking they are exploiting the elderly. She may NEED to work to supplement her income or she might just want to be around people because she is lonely. There just aren’t many jobs available for people her age and she may be grateful for her job. She may feel it gives her purpose. I would start talking to her and you might want to give her a gift card periodically with a nice amount on it and tell her that you appreciate how helpful and kind she is.
I’m thinking of how Theo of Golden has stayed with me long after the last page. Small anonymous acts of kindness can make such a difference to so many. Do what your heart is urging you to do, Tina. If she suddenly disappears from the shop and you feel you could have made a difference you’ll always regret it.
Yes I would def help. It breaks my heart to
See situations like the one you described. It hurts to hear people say mind your business. I would have asked her how she can be helped and try to make it happen. I understand how it has stayed with you. It’s breaking my heart too. Let me know how I can help.
Susan Alexander and Kathy have it right in my opinion. Some people just need a bit of help. It is good you noticed and are willing to help. And yes, please keep us posted.
I love being a part of this kind community!! Yes, it sounds like you are a regular customer, so you are probably a familiar face. All my years following you, Tina, I know you are kind and friendly. I say, strike up a gentle conversation. Today, I discussed the state of airline travel with my cashier at my local market (that’s for another time. God bless the TSA). I’ll be thinking of you and please let us know how it goes.
You are an empath. You feel others emotions and absorb their energy (whether it’s positive or negative), and it’s hard to shake off. If I was in this situation, I would give this woman cash (the first amount that pops into your head intuitively — don’t overthink it. because that first number is Spirit guiding you) in a pretty card with an envelope. Inside the card, I would write something like, “Please accept this as a token of my appreciation for you. Wishing you a blessed and beautiful day!”
This is what I Do…….and often…..it’s not much, but you should see how people’s faces light up.
When I’m done with my transaction, I tell the person that I do a good deed every day and today is their lucky day.
I then give them money…….
They are flabbergasted and beyond grateful……..plus it makes me happy as well……a win-win!
I agree with Sandra
Strike up a conversation- get to know her- she could have many reasons and she may be a private person
My husband had a customer who was very proud and didn’t have extra resources for when things happened
She would never ask for any help
He and then we became friends for over 26 years ( she passed away last year)
We invited her family events / went to lunch and did things like he would fix little things around the house
She would accept no more but just by talking and listening – we became friends
She told her friends and family – we were family
We felt blessed just for knowing and being invited into her life and she told us the greatest gift we gave her was time and friendship
I am much the same. I had this situation with a classmate of my grandson’s, I went to the Principal to ask if help would be accepted or thought an intrusion. I wasn’t looking for recognition – just wanted to help. We agreed the “Gifts” would be from an anonymous donor and be delivered from the school. Maybe you could go to the store manager and ask the circumstances. There might be more going on there than you know. Your heart and soul are in the right place.
I would contact the store and see if you can find out more about her situation. If the store won’t tell you anything maybe a fellow worker could clue you into more details
I think you have a kind heart… I cannot pass up an animal that needs my help. Maybe strike up a conversation next time and explore her circumstances. I bet she is better off working and getting out of the house, interacting with people and having a purpose. I strike up a conversation with everyone I meet, when in a retail situation. I always ask how their day is going and I think it makes them feel more human than “just a checkout clerk.” And… I always try to leave them with a smile on their face. It makes my day and I hope their day as well!
You are such a sweet girl. I liked all the responses. At my small grocery store there are many elderly people who work, day
time mostly but a few at night. I know most of them from going so often for 35 yrs.. One of them is a millionaire and still working in his 90″s! (we used to do business together so I know his situation.). People who don’t know him would worry about him when he is on his knees stocking shelves, but most of the time bagging groceries. All of these older people at my store work because they want the social. They become friends with each other and the customers. I wouldn’t hesitate to ask a manager, or another regular worker discreetly. Definitely ask a female manager! They usually understand empathy and kindness more. But talking to this sweet lady and becoming one of ‘her regulars’ would be a sweet thing to do too. Like others said, you can find out so much from just talking with her.
God Bless you sweet girl!
I think I would contact the store manager and ask him if he knows whatever the situation is before you do anything it’s a hard one to know what to do. You don’t want to insult anyone.
I definitely would not speak with management and call attention to her fragility. A personal conversation with her directly would be the safest. You certainly wouldn’t want to jeopardize her employment. I found myself in the same situation and would discreetly slip some money to this person when they finished bagging my goodies. It was always a sweet interaction, but one never knows. I hope it becomes as comfortable for you as it has been for me.
I’d make sure the manager could be trusted before considering that option.
Targeted charity is a lovely and generous start. Its major failing is that it IS targeted, and I believe meeting basic needs shouldn’t be. I believe everyone is worthy. I believe charity is a symptom of a system that has failed its people. Repeating my comment from Sunday’s survey, there is enough for everyone. There is an obscene excess at the pinnacle of ownership that needs redistribution. Not only is it wrong when a segment of our country’s people is struggling, but I believe it is wrong — in absolute terms — when a segment of our country’s people is excessively wealthy. For those who want me to pin it down to a cut-off, call it a billion dollars. I think a billion dollars is enough.
If you’re asking for a heartfelt opinion, Tina, I’d plead with anyone who has influence to advocate for a more fair tax structure, and the implementation of guardrails regarding corporate earnings and political financing.
Tina, you are a wonderful person. I have sensed this from since I started following you about 5 years ago. As many have said,go with your heart. I personally would advise against going to the manager- for a host of reasons. A. He/he might be jealous and wish someone would do that for them B.It could draw attention to her not being in the best of health and perhaps put her job in jeopardy.
If I were you I would I think as someone mentioned put some cash in an envelope with a card. Tell her you are trying to do something nice everyday and you wanted to thank her for her hard work. I am originally form Sweden and our approach to taking care of our elders is vastly different than here in the U.S. There are many many options there in terms of community and home based care and therefore we have very high longevity amongst our seniors. I love that you are so kind hearted and noticed this, and thought enough to speak about it here. You are a special lady!
My first thought would be to see if she gets a break on her shift, and if so ask if she would like to join you for a quick beverage. If this works I would certainly ask her some questions not to intrusive and see what she reveals. Hopefully you will be able to figure out her situation quickly. Then if there is a need for some financial help, just do it!! I have been accused by my brother of being too sensitive. So if being sensitive is being a giver and helping people in need, I rather go out of this world as a giver than a petty soul.
Do not pity her. I would think she wants to be treated just like all of us do, with a modicum of respect. Go Fund Me, ATM money, supplemental income is too much. Tread very softly and baby steps. She may be happy for all you know.
I wouldn’t say its pitying as much as I felt she was suffering and in pain. Of course I treat her and everyone I come across with the utmost respect. But if I see something I often like to do something and I do trust my instincts. Anytime I have done so in the past, they have always resulted in something positive.
Tina, I think you have been provided with many good suggestions. I believe if this woman has been on your heart the Holy Spirit is speaking to you. I would caution talking to the store manager because personnel matters should remain with Human Resources, the manager and the employee. I would simply go into the store one night and tell her the truth about how she has been on your heart and that you were concerned because you saw her limping. Ask her if there is anything that you can do to help her. Let her tell the story. If she tells you what is going on, you will learn and know in your heart the next steps you can take. If she does not tell you, just hand her your business card and say “if you need anything please call me as I am here to help”. Good luck and please keep us all posted.
This is so sweet and also tricky as to how to approach. I would not go through management, it could bring her physical condition to their attention and create an issue. They might think if a customer notices perhaps having her on is a liability. Just a thought.I would either hand her x dollars (whatever you feel is appropriate) and just saying you are paying it forward. Sometimes people become very private and do not want to reveal what is going on in their lives to a stranger. Your heart is in the right place and I totally agree as great of a country as we have, we do not take care of elderly the way so many other countries do. A shame. I hope you will let us know if anything happens, sometimes it is just enough to express to someone what you see them and recognize them.
You are so kind and thoughtful! I’ve had the same conflicting thoughts over the years. I decided to keep a couple $20’s folded neatly in a side pocket of my purse. It’s not much but on these occasions I quickly pull one out and say “I always want to acknowledge great service” or something like that. And yes, I agree with other commenters who said to ask god (or whomever who look to spiritually). The right answer always comes!
I am also an empathetic and cannot simply ignore suffering when I see it. I think I would find a trusted friend (or maybe her manager at work?) and ask them to deliver an envelope of cash or a Visa gift card to her from an “anonymous” benefactor. Please let us know what you end up deciding, and bless you for your kind, sensitive heart.
Yes, oh please offer anything. I was thinking maybe the manager knew more about her and perhaps could help out to deliver your thoughtfulness.
I wish more people would help more people. I too am over sensitive to peoples feelings. My parents used to always tell me I worry so much if I see someone being treated badly. It stays with me too. I would not worry for a minute though if I was overstepping when doing something nice.
Tina, your soul is blessed with empathy and kindness. I agree with Suzy, Linda Cashman, Lee, Elizabeth Dean, Amy and Janet Cole. I agree with them that the way to go is to give her directly a gift card thanking her for her great customer service. Gift cards are not personal. Businesses and individuals give them to employees, family and friends as tokens of appreciation. She will feel respected, worthy and uplifted. Perhaps, she may strike a conversation with you after receiving a few and tell you how they are helping her with this or that. Hope it goes well.
Talk with her co workers. They will know her situation and her comfort level for financial help. You won’t be guessing – or second guessing what to do.
I error on the side of helping (recently I was behind an older man in work clothes whose credit cards would not work at the grocery store. I asked the cashier if I could pay for his food. It was appreciated by the man who who now had dinner that night.)
I agree with Louise.
Maybe talk to the store manager to get some background info. If your feelings persist, that’s your instinct (Holy Spirit) telling you to help. You should move forward after doing a bit of background checking. Anonymously of course!!
I am on staff for a large church and our policy is to help ($), but not involve yourself for several reasons!
I agree with the comment that suggested you “drop in” more frequent to see her and try to engage her in conversation to gain more insight into her situation and then ask God for discernment on how to move forward. I believe the Holy Spirit often prompts us to help those in need as we can, and if she keeps popping into your head then that’s a good sign He is prompting you.
Definitely think helping is the right answer! It doesn’t seem she’d be working like that especially at night if there wasn’t a financial reason. I’d give to something like this.
Yes, this is a sensitive area. My thought would be to strike up a conversation with her, maybe get to know her a bit, her story if she’s willing to offer, then go from there
Probably 15-20 years ago I was behind a woman at my Publix. She had a cart all filled with the good basics – meat, vegetables, eggs, bread, tuna, rice, fruit. Absolutely no cookies or ice cream etc. When she gave her credit card, it was declined. I was so upset for her and wanted to just say that’s ok I’ve got it. I didn’t know what to do and so I did nothing. I have thought about frequently all these years and have greatly regretted it ever since.
If it were around the holidays I’d buy gift cards to the food market, wrap them nicely and give it to her and say happy holidays- you are always so helpful etc.
Since it’s not holiday time I’m at a loss. I totally have felt this way regarding elderly or others who look like life has handed them a bad break.
But it could be awkward unless you can think of a way to make it a gift for some occasion. And then thank her for being so helpful, etc.
That was God nudging your heart to give love to this woman. You could just start with a simple conversation, and let her take the lead. Show her you noticed her, look her in the eyes and take the time to listen. Your heart will lead you in the right direction. One time I was driving in a suburban area on way to pick up plants, and saw an older woman walking with groceries and it seemed like too much. I turned around and pulled up by her and asked if she wanted a ride. She hopped right in , sat down and said “thank you Jesus”. She didn’t think she would make it home. We shared stories and prayers and it’s a morning I’ll remember forever. God intends us to be His hands. You felt your heart strings tugged, you are blessed . Thank you.
By the way, I follow you, made many purchases but have never ever responded on line to anyone like this. You moved me, I love your heart.
I get that feeling sometimes too! When I do being a believer in God I feel like in those times when it hits me really hard it is God prompting me!!! Because sometimes I feel bad but not a really hard urge to act upon it. So that is how I figure it! I believe that’s God’s way of letting us know!
Agree with many that it may be best to start a little conversation with her, a kind hello and smile then go from there. Perhaps mention that you’ve seen her a few times. So many possibilities as to why she is working. But, I truly understand how you feel. So many of our very elderly seniors going back to work these days just for the benefits, such as medical, etc. It is heartbreaking. Let your heart lead you. We all can be angels on earth doing acts of kindness for others less fortunate no matter how big or small. Where there is a will there is a way! God bless you 💖
Giving is the best feeling in the world. I do it all the time. If she needs help she will take it. It she doesn’t, she will explain and then you will both feel better.
You have a kind heart Tina. I suggest you try and engage with her a little and mention you saw her limping. After speaking with her a few times and getting to know her . If she shares her situation and you do believe she is struggling financially I would pay for my groceries and tell her that you would also like to give her a tip. Maybe take her aside privately. I would not ask the manager about her . That is terribly sad if she is still working because she has to at her age.
What you do is vote to remove from office those who don’t help those people. The divide of the haves and the have not is growing fast. The needs are so great. I work in community outreach volunteering. I see it daily.
Vote and make a difference to those people, not the tax bracket of the rich.
I’m about to turn 80 and of course most of my friends are close to my age. Some are wealthy and some are not but the thing we have in common is that at this age we all have good days and bad. Maybe you just caught her on a bad night. I think you may have jumped to a conclusion too quickly. I’d go back many more times before writing her off as infirm. Some of us are more active and prefer to work through our issues and others would rather stay at home and nurse them. It really is a personal thing. Your kindness and thoughtfulness may be more about you than her and you are imagining a scenario that is off the mark. Of course I know there are many that are in need of all ages and she may be one of them so of course if she needs help go for it but just make sure before you engage others. How about asking her if she’s okay if you catch her limping again I bet she’d get right into what’s bothering her. I know it probably is a topic that she’s not unfamiliar with and is ready to get into, I can attest to that. Thinking that her reason for her difficulty walking is a secret is silly. She is certainly aware that people can see it so just be candid and say” Having a bad night, I get it?” or something like that before doing anything. Also as far as disparaging our country please don’t. I say this because in all my years I have never witnessed the terrible hatred of our country and every negative comment just fuels it further. It is spread faster by social media platforms such as this because of the number of people they reach. Let’s see the best in the USA and be the example. I think the comments here are a testament to that and I’m so happy and encouraged by them. We are a great country because of We the People, always have been and always will be. Have a great day.
Hi Tina, your heart, compassion and observation of others is fantastic. The enchanted home community has offered so many good suggestions. Like you, I think multiple things can be true at the same time. She could need the money, she could have an issue/pain somewhere in her leg or hip joint, and she could really enjoy the socialization. I think you engaging her a few more times will allow you to then know what is the next best step. If in fact, multiple things are true at the same time, you getting to know her versus just a transactional conversation may give her the socialization that she craves. And this will also give you insight into the rest of her life so that you can determine if their ways in which you could help her. As I was reading, let’s talk, I knew this would be a lively set of responses. Thank you for giving us the forum to engage.
I would go back to the store on less busy nights, and at various times speak with the lady. Gently ask wouldn’t ‘you’ like to retire? I’m sure you then would be able to get further information. Speaking with the manager, or random people who also work there, might also help. I’m sure she is close to some of her fellow workers.
Tina I totally agree about how far down we are on the chain of first world rich countries that DOES NOT make it easy for seniors. My husband is a physician (internal medicine) and sees this every day with seniors. The hoops they have to go through to get a simple procedure or scan is an outrage and just not right for a country that is so wealthy. Remember this is November!
I would discreetly hand her an envelope with a gift card or some cash telling her you do this once a month to show thanks to those who exhibit good service. Then if you choose to engage in carrying on a conversation, you can and if not you have still very much done something so kind.
Keep management out of it whatever you do! Trust me, I worked as an HR manager for years for a large national company and these kinds of well meaning exchanges all get documented and noted. I do not at all suggest you go that route, unless this is a mom and pop small market.
In any case I applaud you for showing such empathy, goodness knows our world needs much more of it!
Tina,
This lady may be living alone and may have taken a “ little job” not only for a bit of pocket money, but for being out with the living. To not be alone. There are lots of folks out there who end up widowed or otherwise alone and do not have two or three grown children and have not been blessed with grand babies as we have. This working could very well be something she WANTS rather than something that is a have to. I have seen situations like this more than once and the working was a personal CHOICE.
When the Holidays arrive, it might be a perfect time to put a vanilla gift card into a seasonal card for her. That is a very accepted time to “ help” and because it’s somewhat expected, it is well received and rarely would set off embarrassment.
Dear Tina –
Regarding the aged woman working in the supermarket at night DO NOT overthink your kindness to help — just do it, And do not wait another moment — make her your priority. It’s a given that you are blessed and are more than in a position to help but it is your HEART that draws you toward this woman and her situation. FOLLOW YOUR BLISS and help her. You will decide how to do it quietly and with dignity as your graciousness is unmatched and second to none.
Tina, there is a reason that YOU have been selected to do something special to remedy this woman’s life situation. I imagine you with Angel Wings coming out of your back! Fly toward her and answer the call mindful of the fact that you are truly blessed. Thank you for sharing.
It was a reason for you to go at night and to make mistake at register. GOD knows everything. I would continue to go at night and start a conversation with her. I would also give her money like tipping as a thank you for being so nice. That way you can find out the situation with the kindness you show. I’m like you I have a heart of kindness to help people.
I would definitely not contact the store manager or even any of her coworkers since that could be humiliating as well as get her into trouble. I would simply befriend her and ask about children and grandchildren and maybe say that you notice that she puts in long hours and must get very tired at times. When you know more, you will know what to do.
I would definitely not contact the store manager or even any of her coworkers since that could be humiliating as well as get her into trouble. I would simply befriend her and ask about children and grandchildren and maybe say that you notice that she puts in long hours and must get very tired at times.. Tell her how you appreciate having her help and compliment her when she goes the extra mile. Find things you have in common and go from there. When you know more, you will know what to do.
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Good morning everyone. It’s another round of “Let’s Talk,” and today’s feels a little more personal… and honestly, a little sad. I would really love to know if you’ve ever experienced something like this, and more importantly—how you would handle it.
As many of you know, I tend to do my food shopping a bit differently. Since it’s just the two of us now, I shop in little “drips and drabs,” going to the places I truly enjoy—my local seafood shop, the butcher, a wonderful local produce shop… all these unique specialty stores that make shopping feel like an experience rather than a chore.
But of course, there are always basics you can only get at a regular supermarket. So I have my local market for that, and I’m usually in and out in minutes, often using the self-checkout.Over time, I started noticing the woman who oversees that area. She’s older—if I had to guess, I’d say well into her 80s. She always seems very sweet, but also… not in the best health. I’m someone who tends to notice these things. I definitely think I am an empath, I take on others emotions and cannot shake their suspected suffering and am always very aware of anyone in distress. I don’t know if that makes me overly aware or just sensitive, but I do.
The other evening around 7:30, I ran in to grab coffee realizing we were out and couldn’t handle the thought of waking up to no coffee. The store was unusually quiet (note to self—night shopping is actually really nice), and in my rush, I accidentally rang the coffee up twice.I looked over at her. She was sitting on a small stool. I explained what happened and asked for help.
She slowly stood up and made her way over to me—and it was clear she was struggling. She had a very noticeable limp, and it honestly looked like she was in pain just walking those few steps. She seemed just….so tired. And in that moment, my heart just sank. I found myself thinking—what kind of a country do we live in where someone who appears to be in her 80s, not in great health, is working at night in a supermarket… likely for minimum wage?
I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
All I could think was—this is someone’s mother. Someone’s grandmother. And if one of my parents were in that position, struggling physically and having to work like that, it would absolutely break me. I’ll be honest—I had a very strong impulse in that moment to go to the ATM, take out some money, and give it to her. To say something like, “Please take a few days off and rest.”
I seriously considered it. But I didn’t.
Because I paused and thought… would that feel kind? Or would it feel like pity? Would it be helpful… or unintentionally hurtful or demeaning?
And that’s what has stayed with me.
I haven’t been able to shake the feeling that I want to do something—anything—to make her life just a little bit easier. At one point, I even found myself thinking (and I know this sounds a little crazy), what if I offered to help supplement her income a little so she could work less?
But then again… is that crossing a line? This is where I struggle.
Because on one hand, I know there are people who would say, “That’s just life. Mind your business.”
But that’s never really been who I am.
There have been moments in the past where I’ve felt this same pull to help, and when I’ve acted on it, it’s led to something truly meaningful. Some of you might remember when, together, we helped a young girl who had been overlooked and didn’t have access to the wheelchair she needed. Because of this community that I built, we were able to step in and change her world in a very real way. I will never forget that. And her dad, still reaches out to me from time to time to thank me immensely for what all did.
So when I feel something like this, it’s hard for me to just look away.
But this situation feels different. It’s more delicate. It involves dignity, independence, and a life story I don’t know. So I’m sitting with it.
Do you step in?
Do you say something?
Do I offer to start a Go Fund Me?
Do you offer help—and if so, how do you do it in a way that feels respectful and not intrusive?
Or is the kindest thing simply to be warm, patient, and human in those small interactions?
I truly don’t have the answer.
I just know that I can’t quite let it go, and that usually means there’s something worth paying attention to.
So I’m opening this up to your opinion.
Have you ever been in a situation like this?
What would you do?
How would you approach it?
As always, I value your thoughts more than you know. OK your turn to weigh in…..
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I look forward to hearing what you have to say. Your opinions always carry weight and offer a new perspective. Thanks for stopping in,wishing everyone a wonderful day. Until next time….
Here is our deal of the day! Our charming bunny pagoda!
Click here
Let the Holy Spirit guide you as in “next steps”.
Tina,
You are so kind. Giving isn’t always at the church offering, but to those we see in our daily life.
It could be she works to pay for an expensive medication, or to pay off a car loan or for unforeseen circumstances. I don’t know if the manager will be forthcoming or could be even jealous with your question. But, give it a try. Little acts of kindness, is what we all need to do, be it a thank you, or a smile.
Perhaps kindly ask the Store Manager if there might be something you can do for this person…anonymously of course
Love this idea
Maybe talk to the store manager to get some background info. If your feelings persist, that’s your instinct telling you to help. You should move forward after doing a bit of background checking.
Being kind to someone is the best gift you can give. Maybe she’s lonely and this job isn’t as much a financial need as an emotional need. My grandmother walked a mile on a dirt road every day until she was 90 in hopes that a neighbor would pop out to say hello.
Hi Tina, what if you went in a few future nights and just engaged conversation to find out a little more of her situation. Possibly that could lead to insight in what to do next regarding her job and financial situation.
The recent story about the older man who did, I think it was Door Dash deliveries, and looked like he struggled to get up the steps comes to mind. Someone, like yourself, took action and started a Go Fund Me and he no longer had to supplement his finances. In any event good luck with this. Let’s all watch out for one another!
Sandollar
Yes! This idea!
Is there a way to help her anonymously? Kindness, compassion, love is what binds us together. In the end we are all the same. In these troubled times we need each other. Trust your heart ❤️
I thought about it, I would need to get her name then I guess I could drop an envelope to the service desk for them to give her. I have to sit on this for a bit, a lot of great ideas here!
Hi Tina , I considered the situation with the older lady. Perhaps the next time you are in the grocery store you could approach the store manager about your concerns ? She may give you a little insight into the situation if you said you’d like to help ? That way you’re being discrete & not actually approaching the lady directly. And from that conversation you’ll be heading “ in the right direction “ for you !
We should all have Kind Days ; when we think of others around us.
What Karen said. It works. ❤️
franki
Start a go fund me fir the lady. I have seen a few if these for elderly workers and with the amount collected, they have been able to retire in a matter of a couple of weeks.
Start a go fund me for the lady. I have seen a few of these for elderly workers lately that someone came across and with the amount collected, they have been able to retire in a matter of a couple of weeks.
I would have to know more information about her first and would need her permission,etc….I agree though it is amazing what can happen as a result of a Go Fund Me!
It is sad but her reason for being there could be the opposite of what you’re thinking.. Make a point of talking to her and get to know her and what her situation might be.. Maybe she does need to supplement her income or she just needs to be out and about.
I agree with Sandra
Engage her in a conversation,and you’ll be surprised at what you will find out.
It crossed my mind but she looked like she was suffering/in pain so for that reason I thought it unlikely. Plus at night at the market, its as skeleton crew so not the same kind of energy as during the day.Of course I am only guessing, will see how this goes.
I don’t understand why you immediately blamed our country !!!! What if I flipped the situation and said what kind of country do we live in to allow people to be very rich !!!!!! We live in a free country where we get to make personal decisions which can be wise or foolish . We also live in one of the most generous countries in the world ! There are government programs and charitable organizations and churches that are willing and ready to help those worthy . You don’t know the situation at all . We should all decide when and how to be “a cheerful “ giver . You can think of how to offer help to her privately .
Well with all due respect the U.S. ranks nearly at the bottom (or at the bottom) of high income countries with regard to accessibility, cost and health equity. Two things can be true at once- we can live in a country where people have the opportunity to become very rich and the elderly can have limited access so high quality affordable health care. I have a relative who works in this field (and has for over 25 years) and feel pretty well informed on the subject.I will agree to disagree with your comment.
Tina, I love your heart. I believe that God is nudging you to help her. Befriend and adopt her. You won’t be making a mistake no matter how you handle it because your love will shine through. God bless you!
This is exactly what I was going to say.
It could be that an opportunity to “tip” her might come, such as Mother’s Day, or her birthday [[if you should come to know it] or Christmas, of course. Thanking her for a job well done after seeing her week after week for so many years might be appreciated. She might be touched that you have taken notice of her. A discreet envelope with whatever you might choose to give might be touching to her. I have had several occasions to give in this way over the years and it has always had a favorable outcome.
I agree with Karen too. Bless that poor lady’s heart.
I would try to talk to her and
Ask if she could use some help. Like you, I worry about people who appear to be struggling. It bothers me that a person in her situation would feel unseen. Even if she refuses help she would know that someone cares about her.
Kindness and compassion are NEVER wrong, and thank you for being sensitive to her situation. I would just ask her directly if/how you could be of assistance, perhaps mentioning your concern for her. I just can’t imagine she would be offended about someone caring about her…..
Empathy and kindness need not be apologized for. I would have some cash to put in her hand and just say this is something I received and would like to pass on. Her reaction in the future would help guide you. This world needs more people like you.
Tina,
You are so kind. I feel that I am an empath as well and things like this just sit different with people wired like us. I think speaking with the store manager would be a good place to start and I truly believe that this community and broader social media could truly help her with a Go Fund Me. I’ve seen a few stories with life changing results. You have the platform, I say do it!
I would speak with the store manager. Mention that you are concerned about this woman and is there any way you can help. It just may that she likes to work and getting out of the house and meeting people.
Always lead with your heart. Thank you for being the thoughtful and kind person you are There seems to be less people like you.
God Bless you.
I would visit her at night, when the store isn’t as busy. I would strike up a conversation beginning with” how are you doing? I noticed that you are limping a bit. Your cue will be her response. If she engages with you and explains what is happening in her life, then maybe you could say” you have been on my mind since seeing you the other night. My mom is no longer with us and in her latter years she was not well. I know how difficult it is to carry on with everyday life, when our health is not at its best, and I am worried about you working so hard. I would like to help you if I can, and it would be an honor if you would allow me to do so.” If she seems embarrassed. Then say” sometimes we all need a little” leg up” and I know that I have sure appreciated help in the past.” I have a feeling that the guard will come down and she will feel your empathy, and your connection. I’m grateful for you and for your empathy… we all should be more aware of those in need, reach out more and connect with one another. The world would be a far better place.If she is not engaging, then I would build a connection. Maybe those evening stops at the store might become more often, and you could begin speaking with her regularly to build a connection. Please keep us posted.
I think saying something might be embarrassing, but you could say, “I come here a lot, and you have always been so helpful.” I would love to give you a little something and offer that. I suppose you could start a GoFundMe; people do. Although some people might be embarrassed by that. My dad worked until he was 92. He loved it, and if someone offered him money, he would have been embarrassed, probably. I’m not sure he would have accepted it. Once, someone did buy him dinner when he was eating alone at a restaurant. He, in his words, was tickled by that. I think most people will end up working their entire life as we move forward
If I had the wherewithal I’d write a BIG check, find out her name and address, mail it to her, and leave it up to her whether to cash it or not. Or, even better, do so anonymously through an intermediary. If you haven’t seen it, watch the 1954 movie “Magnificent Obsession”.
I think I would try to find out a bit more info about the lady. Possibly the store manager could help and give you some guidance.
I would first talk with the store manager as others have suggested, Then hopefully you could help her with paying off a bill etc, I know you have a kind heart,❤️
I would not mention a thing to the manager who might feel instantly defensive, but gently open a conversation with her next time. She may or may not be open to discussing her physical or financial situation with a stranger, and her dignity must be respected. Turn yourself into a non-stranger by noting her familiar face when you shop and how she helped you when you goofed up. Then ask if she was not feeling well that day or just pooped. This may safely open the door.
Ask the manager of the store (or department manager)if he knows her situation- go from there
Tina, it is humbling that you trust us, your “community” with this privilege to offer some thoughts on the matter. Susan Alexander has nailed it. Absolutely. As have so many others who have commented here already. You have been specially prepared by God all your life to become this marvelous woman that you are. Your sensitivity, awareness, and empathy are sterling gifts. Use them as you are led. You will not be making a mistake. This caring response to a fellow human being is, to my mind, why we are all here in the first place! Please would you let us know the outcome?
I would definitely NOT go to the manager. It might put her job in danger if the manager thinks the public is thinking they are exploiting the elderly. She may NEED to work to supplement her income or she might just want to be around people because she is lonely. There just aren’t many jobs available for people her age and she may be grateful for her job. She may feel it gives her purpose. I would start talking to her and you might want to give her a gift card periodically with a nice amount on it and tell her that you appreciate how helpful and kind she is.
I’m thinking of how Theo of Golden has stayed with me long after the last page. Small anonymous acts of kindness can make such a difference to so many. Do what your heart is urging you to do, Tina. If she suddenly disappears from the shop and you feel you could have made a difference you’ll always regret it.
“Yes” to the Theo of Golden theory!
Yes I would def help. It breaks my heart to
See situations like the one you described. It hurts to hear people say mind your business. I would have asked her how she can be helped and try to make it happen. I understand how it has stayed with you. It’s breaking my heart too. Let me know how I can help.
Susan Alexander and Kathy have it right in my opinion. Some people just need a bit of help. It is good you noticed and are willing to help. And yes, please keep us posted.
I love being a part of this kind community!! Yes, it sounds like you are a regular customer, so you are probably a familiar face. All my years following you, Tina, I know you are kind and friendly. I say, strike up a gentle conversation. Today, I discussed the state of airline travel with my cashier at my local market (that’s for another time. God bless the TSA). I’ll be thinking of you and please let us know how it goes.
You are an empath. You feel others emotions and absorb their energy (whether it’s positive or negative), and it’s hard to shake off. If I was in this situation, I would give this woman cash (the first amount that pops into your head intuitively — don’t overthink it. because that first number is Spirit guiding you) in a pretty card with an envelope. Inside the card, I would write something like, “Please accept this as a token of my appreciation for you. Wishing you a blessed and beautiful day!”
This is what I Do…….and often…..it’s not much, but you should see how people’s faces light up.
When I’m done with my transaction, I tell the person that I do a good deed every day and today is their lucky day.
I then give them money…….
They are flabbergasted and beyond grateful……..plus it makes me happy as well……a win-win!
I agree with Sandra
Strike up a conversation- get to know her- she could have many reasons and she may be a private person
My husband had a customer who was very proud and didn’t have extra resources for when things happened
She would never ask for any help
He and then we became friends for over 26 years ( she passed away last year)
We invited her family events / went to lunch and did things like he would fix little things around the house
She would accept no more but just by talking and listening – we became friends
She told her friends and family – we were family
We felt blessed just for knowing and being invited into her life and she told us the greatest gift we gave her was time and friendship
I am much the same. I had this situation with a classmate of my grandson’s, I went to the Principal to ask if help would be accepted or thought an intrusion. I wasn’t looking for recognition – just wanted to help. We agreed the “Gifts” would be from an anonymous donor and be delivered from the school. Maybe you could go to the store manager and ask the circumstances. There might be more going on there than you know. Your heart and soul are in the right place.
I would contact the store and see if you can find out more about her situation. If the store won’t tell you anything maybe a fellow worker could clue you into more details
I think you have a kind heart… I cannot pass up an animal that needs my help. Maybe strike up a conversation next time and explore her circumstances. I bet she is better off working and getting out of the house, interacting with people and having a purpose. I strike up a conversation with everyone I meet, when in a retail situation. I always ask how their day is going and I think it makes them feel more human than “just a checkout clerk.” And… I always try to leave them with a smile on their face. It makes my day and I hope their day as well!
You are such a sweet girl. I liked all the responses. At my small grocery store there are many elderly people who work, day
time mostly but a few at night. I know most of them from going so often for 35 yrs.. One of them is a millionaire and still working in his 90″s! (we used to do business together so I know his situation.). People who don’t know him would worry about him when he is on his knees stocking shelves, but most of the time bagging groceries. All of these older people at my store work because they want the social. They become friends with each other and the customers. I wouldn’t hesitate to ask a manager, or another regular worker discreetly. Definitely ask a female manager! They usually understand empathy and kindness more. But talking to this sweet lady and becoming one of ‘her regulars’ would be a sweet thing to do too. Like others said, you can find out so much from just talking with her.
God Bless you sweet girl!
I think I would contact the store manager and ask him if he knows whatever the situation is before you do anything it’s a hard one to know what to do. You don’t want to insult anyone.
I definitely would not speak with management and call attention to her fragility. A personal conversation with her directly would be the safest. You certainly wouldn’t want to jeopardize her employment. I found myself in the same situation and would discreetly slip some money to this person when they finished bagging my goodies. It was always a sweet interaction, but one never knows. I hope it becomes as comfortable for you as it has been for me.
I would have given her $100.00 bill if I had and walk out the store ….
I’d make sure the manager could be trusted before considering that option.
Targeted charity is a lovely and generous start. Its major failing is that it IS targeted, and I believe meeting basic needs shouldn’t be. I believe everyone is worthy. I believe charity is a symptom of a system that has failed its people. Repeating my comment from Sunday’s survey, there is enough for everyone. There is an obscene excess at the pinnacle of ownership that needs redistribution. Not only is it wrong when a segment of our country’s people is struggling, but I believe it is wrong — in absolute terms — when a segment of our country’s people is excessively wealthy. For those who want me to pin it down to a cut-off, call it a billion dollars. I think a billion dollars is enough.
If you’re asking for a heartfelt opinion, Tina, I’d plead with anyone who has influence to advocate for a more fair tax structure, and the implementation of guardrails regarding corporate earnings and political financing.
Tina, you are a wonderful person. I have sensed this from since I started following you about 5 years ago. As many have said,go with your heart. I personally would advise against going to the manager- for a host of reasons. A. He/he might be jealous and wish someone would do that for them B.It could draw attention to her not being in the best of health and perhaps put her job in jeopardy.
If I were you I would I think as someone mentioned put some cash in an envelope with a card. Tell her you are trying to do something nice everyday and you wanted to thank her for her hard work. I am originally form Sweden and our approach to taking care of our elders is vastly different than here in the U.S. There are many many options there in terms of community and home based care and therefore we have very high longevity amongst our seniors. I love that you are so kind hearted and noticed this, and thought enough to speak about it here. You are a special lady!
My first thought would be to see if she gets a break on her shift, and if so ask if she would like to join you for a quick beverage. If this works I would certainly ask her some questions not to intrusive and see what she reveals. Hopefully you will be able to figure out her situation quickly. Then if there is a need for some financial help, just do it!! I have been accused by my brother of being too sensitive. So if being sensitive is being a giver and helping people in need, I rather go out of this world as a giver than a petty soul.
Do not pity her. I would think she wants to be treated just like all of us do, with a modicum of respect. Go Fund Me, ATM money, supplemental income is too much. Tread very softly and baby steps. She may be happy for all you know.
I wouldn’t say its pitying as much as I felt she was suffering and in pain. Of course I treat her and everyone I come across with the utmost respect. But if I see something I often like to do something and I do trust my instincts. Anytime I have done so in the past, they have always resulted in something positive.
Tina, I think you have been provided with many good suggestions. I believe if this woman has been on your heart the Holy Spirit is speaking to you. I would caution talking to the store manager because personnel matters should remain with Human Resources, the manager and the employee. I would simply go into the store one night and tell her the truth about how she has been on your heart and that you were concerned because you saw her limping. Ask her if there is anything that you can do to help her. Let her tell the story. If she tells you what is going on, you will learn and know in your heart the next steps you can take. If she does not tell you, just hand her your business card and say “if you need anything please call me as I am here to help”. Good luck and please keep us all posted.
This is so sweet and also tricky as to how to approach. I would not go through management, it could bring her physical condition to their attention and create an issue. They might think if a customer notices perhaps having her on is a liability. Just a thought.I would either hand her x dollars (whatever you feel is appropriate) and just saying you are paying it forward. Sometimes people become very private and do not want to reveal what is going on in their lives to a stranger. Your heart is in the right place and I totally agree as great of a country as we have, we do not take care of elderly the way so many other countries do. A shame. I hope you will let us know if anything happens, sometimes it is just enough to express to someone what you see them and recognize them.
You are so kind and thoughtful! I’ve had the same conflicting thoughts over the years. I decided to keep a couple $20’s folded neatly in a side pocket of my purse. It’s not much but on these occasions I quickly pull one out and say “I always want to acknowledge great service” or something like that. And yes, I agree with other commenters who said to ask god (or whomever who look to spiritually). The right answer always comes!
I am also an empathetic and cannot simply ignore suffering when I see it. I think I would find a trusted friend (or maybe her manager at work?) and ask them to deliver an envelope of cash or a Visa gift card to her from an “anonymous” benefactor. Please let us know what you end up deciding, and bless you for your kind, sensitive heart.
Yes, oh please offer anything. I was thinking maybe the manager knew more about her and perhaps could help out to deliver your thoughtfulness.
I wish more people would help more people. I too am over sensitive to peoples feelings. My parents used to always tell me I worry so much if I see someone being treated badly. It stays with me too. I would not worry for a minute though if I was overstepping when doing something nice.
Tina, your soul is blessed with empathy and kindness. I agree with Suzy, Linda Cashman, Lee, Elizabeth Dean, Amy and Janet Cole. I agree with them that the way to go is to give her directly a gift card thanking her for her great customer service. Gift cards are not personal. Businesses and individuals give them to employees, family and friends as tokens of appreciation. She will feel respected, worthy and uplifted. Perhaps, she may strike a conversation with you after receiving a few and tell you how they are helping her with this or that. Hope it goes well.
Talk with her co workers. They will know her situation and her comfort level for financial help. You won’t be guessing – or second guessing what to do.
I error on the side of helping (recently I was behind an older man in work clothes whose credit cards would not work at the grocery store. I asked the cashier if I could pay for his food. It was appreciated by the man who who now had dinner that night.)
I agree with Louise.
Maybe talk to the store manager to get some background info. If your feelings persist, that’s your instinct (Holy Spirit) telling you to help. You should move forward after doing a bit of background checking. Anonymously of course!!
I am on staff for a large church and our policy is to help ($), but not involve yourself for several reasons!
I agree with the comment that suggested you “drop in” more frequent to see her and try to engage her in conversation to gain more insight into her situation and then ask God for discernment on how to move forward. I believe the Holy Spirit often prompts us to help those in need as we can, and if she keeps popping into your head then that’s a good sign He is prompting you.
Definitely think helping is the right answer! It doesn’t seem she’d be working like that especially at night if there wasn’t a financial reason. I’d give to something like this.
Yes, this is a sensitive area. My thought would be to strike up a conversation with her, maybe get to know her a bit, her story if she’s willing to offer, then go from there
Probably 15-20 years ago I was behind a woman at my Publix. She had a cart all filled with the good basics – meat, vegetables, eggs, bread, tuna, rice, fruit. Absolutely no cookies or ice cream etc. When she gave her credit card, it was declined. I was so upset for her and wanted to just say that’s ok I’ve got it. I didn’t know what to do and so I did nothing. I have thought about frequently all these years and have greatly regretted it ever since.
If it were around the holidays I’d buy gift cards to the food market, wrap them nicely and give it to her and say happy holidays- you are always so helpful etc.
Since it’s not holiday time I’m at a loss. I totally have felt this way regarding elderly or others who look like life has handed them a bad break.
But it could be awkward unless you can think of a way to make it a gift for some occasion. And then thank her for being so helpful, etc.
That was God nudging your heart to give love to this woman. You could just start with a simple conversation, and let her take the lead. Show her you noticed her, look her in the eyes and take the time to listen. Your heart will lead you in the right direction. One time I was driving in a suburban area on way to pick up plants, and saw an older woman walking with groceries and it seemed like too much. I turned around and pulled up by her and asked if she wanted a ride. She hopped right in , sat down and said “thank you Jesus”. She didn’t think she would make it home. We shared stories and prayers and it’s a morning I’ll remember forever. God intends us to be His hands. You felt your heart strings tugged, you are blessed . Thank you.
By the way, I follow you, made many purchases but have never ever responded on line to anyone like this. You moved me, I love your heart.
I get that feeling sometimes too! When I do being a believer in God I feel like in those times when it hits me really hard it is God prompting me!!! Because sometimes I feel bad but not a really hard urge to act upon it. So that is how I figure it! I believe that’s God’s way of letting us know!
Agree with many that it may be best to start a little conversation with her, a kind hello and smile then go from there. Perhaps mention that you’ve seen her a few times. So many possibilities as to why she is working. But, I truly understand how you feel. So many of our very elderly seniors going back to work these days just for the benefits, such as medical, etc. It is heartbreaking. Let your heart lead you. We all can be angels on earth doing acts of kindness for others less fortunate no matter how big or small. Where there is a will there is a way! God bless you 💖
Giving is the best feeling in the world. I do it all the time. If she needs help she will take it. It she doesn’t, she will explain and then you will both feel better.
You have a kind heart Tina. I suggest you try and engage with her a little and mention you saw her limping. After speaking with her a few times and getting to know her . If she shares her situation and you do believe she is struggling financially I would pay for my groceries and tell her that you would also like to give her a tip. Maybe take her aside privately. I would not ask the manager about her . That is terribly sad if she is still working because she has to at her age.
What you do is vote to remove from office those who don’t help those people. The divide of the haves and the have not is growing fast. The needs are so great. I work in community outreach volunteering. I see it daily.
Vote and make a difference to those people, not the tax bracket of the rich.
I’m about to turn 80 and of course most of my friends are close to my age. Some are wealthy and some are not but the thing we have in common is that at this age we all have good days and bad. Maybe you just caught her on a bad night. I think you may have jumped to a conclusion too quickly. I’d go back many more times before writing her off as infirm. Some of us are more active and prefer to work through our issues and others would rather stay at home and nurse them. It really is a personal thing. Your kindness and thoughtfulness may be more about you than her and you are imagining a scenario that is off the mark. Of course I know there are many that are in need of all ages and she may be one of them so of course if she needs help go for it but just make sure before you engage others. How about asking her if she’s okay if you catch her limping again I bet she’d get right into what’s bothering her. I know it probably is a topic that she’s not unfamiliar with and is ready to get into, I can attest to that. Thinking that her reason for her difficulty walking is a secret is silly. She is certainly aware that people can see it so just be candid and say” Having a bad night, I get it?” or something like that before doing anything. Also as far as disparaging our country please don’t. I say this because in all my years I have never witnessed the terrible hatred of our country and every negative comment just fuels it further. It is spread faster by social media platforms such as this because of the number of people they reach. Let’s see the best in the USA and be the example. I think the comments here are a testament to that and I’m so happy and encouraged by them. We are a great country because of We the People, always have been and always will be. Have a great day.
Hi Tina, your heart, compassion and observation of others is fantastic. The enchanted home community has offered so many good suggestions. Like you, I think multiple things can be true at the same time. She could need the money, she could have an issue/pain somewhere in her leg or hip joint, and she could really enjoy the socialization. I think you engaging her a few more times will allow you to then know what is the next best step. If in fact, multiple things are true at the same time, you getting to know her versus just a transactional conversation may give her the socialization that she craves. And this will also give you insight into the rest of her life so that you can determine if their ways in which you could help her. As I was reading, let’s talk, I knew this would be a lively set of responses. Thank you for giving us the forum to engage.
I would go back to the store on less busy nights, and at various times speak with the lady. Gently ask wouldn’t ‘you’ like to retire? I’m sure you then would be able to get further information. Speaking with the manager, or random people who also work there, might also help. I’m sure she is close to some of her fellow workers.
Tina I totally agree about how far down we are on the chain of first world rich countries that DOES NOT make it easy for seniors. My husband is a physician (internal medicine) and sees this every day with seniors. The hoops they have to go through to get a simple procedure or scan is an outrage and just not right for a country that is so wealthy. Remember this is November!
I would discreetly hand her an envelope with a gift card or some cash telling her you do this once a month to show thanks to those who exhibit good service. Then if you choose to engage in carrying on a conversation, you can and if not you have still very much done something so kind.
Keep management out of it whatever you do! Trust me, I worked as an HR manager for years for a large national company and these kinds of well meaning exchanges all get documented and noted. I do not at all suggest you go that route, unless this is a mom and pop small market.
In any case I applaud you for showing such empathy, goodness knows our world needs much more of it!
Tina,
This lady may be living alone and may have taken a “ little job” not only for a bit of pocket money, but for being out with the living. To not be alone. There are lots of folks out there who end up widowed or otherwise alone and do not have two or three grown children and have not been blessed with grand babies as we have. This working could very well be something she WANTS rather than something that is a have to. I have seen situations like this more than once and the working was a personal CHOICE.
When the Holidays arrive, it might be a perfect time to put a vanilla gift card into a seasonal card for her. That is a very accepted time to “ help” and because it’s somewhat expected, it is well received and rarely would set off embarrassment.
Dear Tina –
Regarding the aged woman working in the supermarket at night DO NOT overthink your kindness to help — just do it, And do not wait another moment — make her your priority. It’s a given that you are blessed and are more than in a position to help but it is your HEART that draws you toward this woman and her situation. FOLLOW YOUR BLISS and help her. You will decide how to do it quietly and with dignity as your graciousness is unmatched and second to none.
Tina, there is a reason that YOU have been selected to do something special to remedy this woman’s life situation. I imagine you with Angel Wings coming out of your back! Fly toward her and answer the call mindful of the fact that you are truly blessed. Thank you for sharing.
It was a reason for you to go at night and to make mistake at register. GOD knows everything. I would continue to go at night and start a conversation with her. I would also give her money like tipping as a thank you for being so nice. That way you can find out the situation with the kindness you show. I’m like you I have a heart of kindness to help people.
I would definitely not contact the store manager or even any of her coworkers since that could be humiliating as well as get her into trouble. I would simply befriend her and ask about children and grandchildren and maybe say that you notice that she puts in long hours and must get very tired at times. When you know more, you will know what to do.
I would definitely not contact the store manager or even any of her coworkers since that could be humiliating as well as get her into trouble. I would simply befriend her and ask about children and grandchildren and maybe say that you notice that she puts in long hours and must get very tired at times.. Tell her how you appreciate having her help and compliment her when she goes the extra mile. Find things you have in common and go from there. When you know more, you will know what to do.