Good morning everyone—time for another Let’s Talk, and today’s is one I have a feeling many of you might relate to… entertaining and hostessing.I will be the first to admit, I absolutely love the idea of a party or dinner party—and I’ve certainly hosted my fair share over the years. But lately, I’ve noticed something has shifted. I don’t quite take things in stride the way I used to. If I have a headache (I get abdominal migraines which are brutal), that can really throw off my game and stamina. I have learned to push through them but its not easy whereas in the past, I would just rise above it and carry on. I find myself feeling anxious over things that, deep down, I know are probably a bit silly. Silly details that no one would necessarily notice.
I also know myself—I’m very detail-oriented (okay, borderline OCD when it comes to entertaining), and I’m just not someone who can throw something together without giving it my all. And as you can imagine, that naturally turns into a lot of work… bringing out the china, the silver, the crystal, the beautiful linens—you get the picture.
Easter Sunday a few weeks ago, was a perfect example. We were originally supposed to go to our club, and I was very much looking forward to a year where I could simply show up, relax, and enjoy. But as life would have it… plans changed at the last minute (two family members with colds and Phillip coughing), and suddenly, I found myself hosting for our family and a few friends. I had worked hard the day before so that morning of, I was trying to take it easy, my husband said there was a guest towel needed for the powder room and as I sat down taking a break not wanting to move to trudge all the way upstairs, I yelled for him to get a kitchen towel:) Half joking! That reflected where I was in the entertaining game!
Stress for me comes out of things like not being able to find all 12 matching goblets for my table (about half our stuff is in storage) and the stress I felt about not having matching glassware was making me nuts. Until I realized no one will notice and guess what? No one noticed, it was a good test for me for the next time I stress over something so trivial.
And while part of me truly loves creating a beautiful table and welcoming people into our home, another part of me couldn’t help but feel a bit overwhelmed. So suffice to say, I still love the idea and the concept of entertaining. I love planning what plates I’m going to use, what cutlery I’ll bring out, which linens I have at my disposal—and of course, the flowers… always my favorite part. But have I on occasion wanted to pull a Howard Hughes (sets up the party but goes upstairs to observe it and not necessarily partake in it)? Yes, I will admit it, there have been those moments!
I’ve noticed that as I get older and perhaps a bit more anxious about making sure things are just right, my stress levels definitely rise leading up to it. I’ve always been someone who operates in blocks of time—I think I did a post on this years ago—but on the day of any gathering, big or small, I would literally map out my day in time blocks. For example: table set by 11, veges chopped by 12, everything done by 2:00, bath by 3:00, and so on.
I’ve gotten away from doing that a bit—partly because I’m not entertaining nearly as much (rarely in fact) , and also because we’re not in our permanent home—but I may go back to it. There’s something about that method that creates a sense of control. Everything feels compartmentalized, manageable… almost like it gives you permission to exhale at appropriate intervals if that makes sense.
We started a game night with some other couples. The agreement was its pizza and salad in everyone’s home (we rotate homes) My turn comes up soon and is it tempting to pull out some beautiful china, crystal, etc…? Yes it is! The last time we went to someones home, she served the pizza and salad and the pizza was barely warm. It’s hard to having piping hot pizza to serve a crowd. But this is where my brain says, I will have the ovens on the minute the pizzas arrive and they will stay there until we serve it to be pipping hot. I would not have been comfortable serving barely warm pizza. That’ me and I am not happy about, I wish I could be more of a go with the flow kind of person. And the irony is everyone, really enjoyed the pizza which of course was overshadowed by the fun and lively conversation. No stress needed
So this is going to be a great litmus test, I will be using my melamine, outdoor plastic glasses and keeping is super casual. Funny thing is, I am kind of looking forward to it. It’s out of my comfort zone but I love the no pressure idea and it feels like a personal challenge to the way I typically do things.
The next event I’ll be hosting that I know of is a baby shower for my daughter-in-law, which I’m truly so excited about. And I have a feeling I’ll be bringing back my good old “block method.” Of course, lists begin well before the actual day—I typically start planning at least four or five days in advance, sometimes even earlier if something needs to be specially ordered, like a cake or favors.
So I’ll put that to the test—and report back in June. Now I want to hear from you…
Do you still love entertaining as much as you used to has your perspective changed over time? Do you prefer hosting—or being a guest?
And if you do host—have you simplified, or are you still all-in on the details? Cant wait to hear from you on this….
Yes it has changed for me. I used to love it. Still want to use my nice things so I am working on my health. Staying strong and doing a little less. EE
I’m reading you are expecting a second grandchild? How stupendous for you and your family!
I, too, suffer from anxiety on the lead up to hosting any function. You would think after twenty one years as an officer’s wife would have been sufficient to hone my entertainment skills. I still manage to get myself into such a state that I feel completely inefficient. The day after the get together I look back and think how foolish I was to worry about my choices for the side dishes, flowers or even the candle scent for the guest powder room. At 75, I simply want to enjoy the company. If there is anyone who can find fault, let them. I’m busy being blessed and happy.
I have no idea if I still love it. I used to entertain all the time and enjoyed everything about it. I have all the parts needed to have people over. I have collected china, glass ware, serving pieces and linens for years and used to love bringing it all out. Making sure there were fresh flowers and my home looked as perfect as I could make it. We just purchased our “forever” home. I say that because we have moved 11 times. Finally over. I think in our new home I will make it so entraining is back on my agenda. 🙂
I’m still all in, but it’s easier because I just retired and I have a best friend also retired that loves the tablescape ideation as much as I do. So we “play” together to get the place settings right. It feels like fun and catching up with a girlfriend v a chore. I love doing the flowers too – it’s my happy place. I like your block method – I have shifted to block days! And my husband loves polishing the silver – how lucky am I. My family and guests always appreciate and notice the details. This gives me joy. My next endeavor is a baby shower for my daughter in love – my first grandchild. I’m so excited.
I’m also a big believer that no one but you knows your vision so even if not all is done to our standard – no one would know. Kind of like the coldish pizza theory!
My hosting days have definitely changed as I get older. I just passed down my wedding china to my son and DIL as they love to host. My entertaining days are now solely immediate family. Takes the pressure off!
This post really resonated with me. We always host Easter and this year it was just my immediate family, no extended family or friends and what a relief! I also am a perfectionist when it comes to setting the table and this year I let my granddaughters help. I decided who cares where people sit or if the knives aren’t turned the right way. I attribute my attitude to getting old. I just don’t have the stamina I used to have so I have to let things go that really don’t matter. So yes, use the melamine and just have fun.
I used to want everything to be perfect. It was fun but exhausting. Now that I am old I am realizing that people just enjoy being together and having a yummy meal and good drinks. No one cares about the crystal and china. ( I think the young people have realized this and that is why they don’t register for china or silver! ) Of course, it is still fun when throwing a shower or special event to do it up big!
O used to stress just like you. Lists, schedules, etc. And then the dawn….
People come to your home to see you not the perfect table. They sit down to a meal to share and talk with you not have a perfect gastro experience.
When I realized that, my stress level has been greatly reduced!
I used to obsess about dinner party details until I realized that I was the only one who cared that much. Maybe I just wanted the accolades? As I got older I realized that friends & fam are just as happy with a casual spread of charcuterie on the kitchen island as they are with a sit down spread with multiple courses. If not happier. I rarely entertained as formally as you (again, no one cared about crystal & fine china) but my entertaining has certainly gone way more casual. And I like it!
I am so glad that it’s not just me that feels this way! Things have shifted here too! Yes, I enjoy my friends, but don’t enjoy the prep like I used to. I have always hosted all the big holidays for family and quite honestly, last Christmas I was downright exhausted. I enjoy a much quieter existence these days .
I love your blog and really don’t know how you do everything so perfectly.,run a business, keep your home perfectly etc. As an outsider, I would start delegating some jobs to other people or companies. You could choose to complete the jobs you really enjoy but cater the food(or some of it).It would take some of the pressure of you.You are so talented but you don’t need to do it all
Like you, when I was younger I loved to host parties. As I have grown older, I find that I am more anxious and worry about everything, something I never did in the past. Perhaps some of it is that these guests are no longer young either and seem, in my mind, more wary. I had a wine and dinner party the other night for a neighborhood group and it went well as everyone seemed happy and I received many compliments. However, I am more cautious than I was when I was younger and seem to tire more easily.
Congratulations on the new grandbaby!! I enjoy entertaining but am very Type A and stress over the details. I try to plan ahead as much as possible; but I also make a list for the day of the event that includes everything from bathing and dressing to chopping and dicing!
I am still “all-in”. We moved 6 years ago and my “tribe” has changed-so my entertaining schedule has also. I have a new group of fabulous friends and I am known at the dinner party gal. BUT I have scaled back-I have guests bring apps and dessert and I take care of dinner and setting the table. Definitely trying to make is all a little less stressful. I am hosting a Kentucky Derby party-which is a few weeks out, but working on menu and who does what already! I feel planning early does alleviate some of the stress.
I’ve pared everything down. Guest limit is 8 total at the table. Simple meal, prepped/ or cooked ahead, ie beef stew. Pasta dish, or an all cold collation. My every day dishes and stainless are lovely, but I do use crystal, silver and good china on occasion.
I’m 84, widowed, and still like to entertain, but I have to be realistic regarding my energy level and capabilities. The key, relax and enjoy.
Oh, Tina…..I could have written this post! I am now 80, and looking back at the dinner parties I hosted that took days to prepare for and days to get over(!) I really enjoyed making the people I loved happy, but it was so much work!!! AND, my stress level went through the roof, every time……My son doesn’t want the sterling or the Waterford or any of the eight sets of china I collected over the years. Young people entertain entirely differently these days and I think it’s a good thing! I’m so fortunate to have a wonderful caterer down the road and I take my serving containers to them and have delivered right to the warming drawer. Serve buffet style and everything goes in the dishwasher. Wish you could “cut yourself some slack!”
I have hosted many events and love it. We do not entertain as much and notice that as couples we tend to go out for a meal more often. Also noticing hosting has become a lot more casual and informal. I still love the full show but really it’s about our time together. You’re definitely not alone with these thoughts!
I do still love it, but I entertain less as I age (80…and retired last year). Thankfully, I have more time to prepare and can relax and enjoy the process! Now, the younger generations in my family enjoy hosting the major holidays, but when I do entertain for them or others, it is usually more casually! Pretty flowers are always a must!
We’re all to hard on ourselves about entertaining. Ads with beautiful people throwing their heads back, laughing in slow motion in perfect settings hasn’t helped. And you’re right, in real life, people just care about having a good time. If the setting – and table settings – are lovely, that’s just gravy. That aside, I need the napkin in that last photo ASAP! Congrats on the new addition to your family,
I do have some standards regarding entertaining. The year my sister in law served Thanksgiving dinner on paper plates and didn’t even bother to transfer the food from the aluminum pans from the grocery store unto nice serving dishes, I now host Thanksgiving every year. I set it with china and crystal and even though we are spread out between several rooms I try to make all the tables pretty.
That said, tomorrow we are having a small open house. We just bought a condo in a different city to be close to two of our six grandchildren. We don’t have much in the way of furnishings but I figure it’s better to meet my neighbors than wait for a year or two to have a nice place. Paper plates and napkins and folding chairs borrowed from our son. Looking forward to meeting my neighbors..
I am so glad you wrote about this because I am exactly like you. I actually admit I am OCD when it comes to entertaining and I do not enjoy it the way I used to. I have never been a fly by the pants kind of person (wish I was), and although I love choosing the china, crystal, napkins and the rest of the table scape (I start thinking about my Thanksgiving centerpiece in September!) I find it stresses me out now. I, too, make lists and block off days/times of when things will be completed, but I sometimes just don’t have the bandwidth for it anymore, sadly. I love the thought of someone else hosting or going out to a restaurant. I told myself after hosting Easter that next time I host, I am going to not get so stressed, because I know it’s about the company and of course, good food, more than a perfect table or the perfect serving tray.
There is absolutely nothing you said here that I would change in describing how I feel – about a lot of things! And it’s comforting because dare I share too much with my friends and they can’t relate at all. That’s sad that I just wrote that. Maybe I need better higher quality friends.
Hi Tina,
I think I am just the opposite of you. The older I get the less I stress. I think friends are so excited to just get together that they expect less. I make it nice enough but not too nice that it may intimidate others. Then they would never reciprocate.
Which reminds me, have you been to, or heard of “Naples Tables”?? It is where many fancy decorators get together and design magnificent tables all dressed to the nines for an event in Naples Florida. Tickets sell out in a day at $500.oo !! The ladies get all fluffed up in beautiful dresses and all their jewelry and have lunch and admire some very talented settings. The flowers are over the top. Check it out. I think tickets go on sale in October. It is hosted by the Junior League. Also, if you are in Naples, check out “Up For Grabs” all things tables!!
I still host all our family gatherings and can attest to feeling more anxious and overwhelmed where I used to breeze through all the prep. I try to give myself extra time for preparation -and that helps. I set a goal to have all tables set and ready the day before, with flower arrangements made and held behind the closed doors of a bathroom to protect them from my curious, flower loving kitty. House cleaning and silver polishing happens several days ahead of time. I try to plan a menu that incorporates things that can be mixed and/or prepared ahead so that I’m not cooking everything the day of. Reheating is so much easier as long as the dish is still as fresh and delicious-some things must be cooked the day of.
I say all this to say, I love hosting and entertaining. I love using all the wonderful things I’ve collected and inherited. Most of all, I love making others feel special, wanted and welcome. The older I get, there’s no place like home-and sharing our home with others!!
Congratulations on your second grandbaby!
I’m not much of a cook but I love setting the table with silverware, crystal and wedding china and arranging flowers for the table. When younger, I entertained for my husband’s clients and many overseas guests. Our teen aged daughter was a fabulous cook and she prepared awesome meals for our guests. She made it look so easy. Now at 80, I enjoy more casual entertaining. Somehow, I still stress some! A glass of wine relaxes me.
Oh my gosh! I feel the exact same way! I have to say that I feel relieved to know that I’m not the only one who loves entertaining but not at the same pace as once before.The thing is… is that making things seem special is my love language. I want people to feel important and appreciated and that little “extra” gives me so much joy.I do know that we are harder on ourselves than anyone else would ever be.💖
So much anxiety for things to be perfect left me exhausted during the party and afterwards. I don’t entertain anymore so I get to enjoy the parties now.
Entertaining has changed for me in that something in me just does not let me enjoy it AS much as I used to. I still love to set a lovely table and around holidays do so regardless of if I am hosting or not. Crazy, but I identified the lovely, finished table as something I love MOST about hosting and it looks so nice to look into the dining room and seeing the beauty and art in it all being set up guests or NOT! 😉 I, like you, have a lot now in storage. Trying to downsize. MAYBE POSSIBLY….. I made sure that I have just enough nice things still available for hosting but interestingly, I may not go back to all that extra stuff which I still love but find it easier to not be dealing with so much and I am NOT a “minimalist”. Just the contrary! One thing I might mention is a broken dishwasher (the kitchen designer/ builder refused to listen to me about having 2 dishwashers!) and because of the broken dishwasher, I have done what my Dear grandparents would have been aghast about, I have used some high-end paper and even some high end, gold plastic flatware. I was shocked but the plates and flatwear actually sparked a lively conversation about it! Next time I added some matching high end disposable napkins instead of my linen napkins. So easy peasy and when the dishwasher is fixed, well, I may just continue like this. Afterall, I AM a grandmother of three now! That counts for something! Right? Soooo, actually, the dishwasher is just an easy excuse (and sounds good in conversation explaining) I usually hand wash most of my things. anyway. Antique family glassware, chinoiserie and china, pewter flatwear and some very old and beautiful inherited English silver.
Some of the high-end paper goods and flatware is so nice that it is hard to tell, at first, that it just gets tossed out,end of night.
I have actually had disposable dessert plates and flatwear carefully rinsed off and set deftly on the counter! Oh, BTW, that is how I originally incorporated the disposables and paperware. I coordinated the disposables to my lovely china dinner plates and chargers, paper for dessert plates and salad. Finally came the day when entertaining was thrown on me for the next day
(I found out at 4 PM the night before (maybe later) for a 5 o’clock get together the next night! That is when it happened. I did at least 50-75% disposable including flatwear and napkins! Was a good conversation starter and I cuddled with my pups after and was in bed by 12:30 AM. Try that with everything needing to be washed! So this way or possibly getting a service to come in may well be my NEW way! I say this with a fully set Easter table in my formal dining room. Still! I did NOT host! I just indulged MY “art”!
Anyway, Tina, you might try this on Pizza night .Perfect place to start! ALWAYS FRESH flowers, NO MATTER WHAT!
I just wanted to add a comment to say there’s a reason for all this anxiety that seems to happen to us as we age. It’s the decrease in our hormones. I wish it weren’t so but I’ve read medical information that indicates this is the reason. I can’t explain it further as I’m not a medical professional myself. I just know it helped me a little bit to know that there is an actual physical reason for it. When I was younger, I had always thought that when I retired, I would have “all the time in the world” to do whatever I had always wanted to do. However, getting older also came with less stamina and some health issues that hamper me. So, between my hurting back and getting tired more easily, now I don’t do as much as I had thought I would. However, I’ve beat cancer twice and I’m fortunate to be here at age 81. Regarding entertaining, my neighbors and friends all go out to eat together rather than entertaining at home. We ALL have bad backs, lol!!! I do still enjoy entertaining at home but ONLY for the major holidays with family. So, maybe 4 times a year, I pull out the china and set a festive table and cook a big fancy dinner to express love for all of them! By the way, I LOVE my new pink cabbage chargers that came from your shop recently. They looked ADORABLE on my table for Easter!!!
Oh yes. I used to be EXACTLY like that. I’m more low key now, but still enjoy a pretty dinner party every now and then. But now I have curated pretty entertaining things that go in the dishwasher. (Except for wine glasses! Someone needs to make a pretty wine glass that fits/goes in the dishwasher!) For very casual family dinners with my adult children and little grandchildren, I often use paper because my children prefer it. I have pretty (or funny) paper napkins and –try this –> I put the paper plates on chargers to give them support and a little formality! I have found that people tend to have more fun when things are more casual. Change it up for your pizza party! Remember how barefoot contessa said to do the unexpected! She often served meatloaf at a formal dinner party just to shake things up a bit! For your pizza party, how about calling one of those pizza trucks that make the pizza in your driveway! Or have a “make your own” pizza buffet of toppings that everyone makes while enjoying a cocktail. A pizza party is a perfect time to play a party game, such as Sardines or charades, the newlywed game, or a trivia game. (Newlywed game you separate the couple and ask questions of the men and the women such as, “What was your favorite vacation since you were married?” Couple who get the most answers the same as their spouse wins. Award funny/silly prizes for the winners! Do something fun and watch the evening sizzle!
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Good morning everyone—time for another Let’s Talk, and today’s is one I have a feeling many of you might relate to… entertaining and hostessing.I will be the first to admit, I absolutely love the idea of a party or dinner party—and I’ve certainly hosted my fair share over the years. But lately, I’ve noticed something has shifted. I don’t quite take things in stride the way I used to. If I have a headache (I get abdominal migraines which are brutal), that can really throw off my game and stamina. I have learned to push through them but its not easy whereas in the past, I would just rise above it and carry on. I find myself feeling anxious over things that, deep down, I know are probably a bit silly. Silly details that no one would necessarily notice.
I also know myself—I’m very detail-oriented (okay, borderline OCD when it comes to entertaining), and I’m just not someone who can throw something together without giving it my all. And as you can imagine, that naturally turns into a lot of work… bringing out the china, the silver, the crystal, the beautiful linens—you get the picture.
Easter Sunday a few weeks ago, was a perfect example. We were originally supposed to go to our club, and I was very much looking forward to a year where I could simply show up, relax, and enjoy. But as life would have it… plans changed at the last minute (two family members with colds and Phillip coughing), and suddenly, I found myself hosting for our family and a few friends. I had worked hard the day before so that morning of, I was trying to take it easy, my husband said there was a guest towel needed for the powder room and as I sat down taking a break not wanting to move to trudge all the way upstairs, I yelled for him to get a kitchen towel:) Half joking! That reflected where I was in the entertaining game!
Stress for me comes out of things like not being able to find all 12 matching goblets for my table (about half our stuff is in storage) and the stress I felt about not having matching glassware was making me nuts. Until I realized no one will notice and guess what? No one noticed, it was a good test for me for the next time I stress over something so trivial.
And while part of me truly loves creating a beautiful table and welcoming people into our home, another part of me couldn’t help but feel a bit overwhelmed. So suffice to say, I still love the idea and the concept of entertaining. I love planning what plates I’m going to use, what cutlery I’ll bring out, which linens I have at my disposal—and of course, the flowers… always my favorite part. But have I on occasion wanted to pull a Howard Hughes (sets up the party but goes upstairs to observe it and not necessarily partake in it)? Yes, I will admit it, there have been those moments!
I’ve noticed that as I get older and perhaps a bit more anxious about making sure things are just right, my stress levels definitely rise leading up to it. I’ve always been someone who operates in blocks of time—I think I did a post on this years ago—but on the day of any gathering, big or small, I would literally map out my day in time blocks. For example: table set by 11, veges chopped by 12, everything done by 2:00, bath by 3:00, and so on.
I’ve gotten away from doing that a bit—partly because I’m not entertaining nearly as much (rarely in fact) , and also because we’re not in our permanent home—but I may go back to it. There’s something about that method that creates a sense of control. Everything feels compartmentalized, manageable… almost like it gives you permission to exhale at appropriate intervals if that makes sense.
We started a game night with some other couples. The agreement was its pizza and salad in everyone’s home (we rotate homes) My turn comes up soon and is it tempting to pull out some beautiful china, crystal, etc…? Yes it is! The last time we went to someones home, she served the pizza and salad and the pizza was barely warm. It’s hard to having piping hot pizza to serve a crowd. But this is where my brain says, I will have the ovens on the minute the pizzas arrive and they will stay there until we serve it to be pipping hot. I would not have been comfortable serving barely warm pizza. That’ me and I am not happy about, I wish I could be more of a go with the flow kind of person. And the irony is everyone, really enjoyed the pizza which of course was overshadowed by the fun and lively conversation. No stress needed
So this is going to be a great litmus test, I will be using my melamine, outdoor plastic glasses and keeping is super casual. Funny thing is, I am kind of looking forward to it. It’s out of my comfort zone but I love the no pressure idea and it feels like a personal challenge to the way I typically do things.
The next event I’ll be hosting that I know of is a baby shower for my daughter-in-law, which I’m truly so excited about. And I have a feeling I’ll be bringing back my good old “block method.” Of course, lists begin well before the actual day—I typically start planning at least four or five days in advance, sometimes even earlier if something needs to be specially ordered, like a cake or favors.
So I’ll put that to the test—and report back in June. Now I want to hear from you…
Do you still love entertaining as much as you used to has your perspective changed over time? Do you prefer hosting—or being a guest?
And if you do host—have you simplified, or are you still all-in on the details? Cant wait to hear from you on this….
Thanks for stopping in, until next time…..
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Yes it has changed for me. I used to love it. Still want to use my nice things so I am working on my health. Staying strong and doing a little less. EE
I’m reading you are expecting a second grandchild? How stupendous for you and your family!
I, too, suffer from anxiety on the lead up to hosting any function. You would think after twenty one years as an officer’s wife would have been sufficient to hone my entertainment skills. I still manage to get myself into such a state that I feel completely inefficient. The day after the get together I look back and think how foolish I was to worry about my choices for the side dishes, flowers or even the candle scent for the guest powder room. At 75, I simply want to enjoy the company. If there is anyone who can find fault, let them. I’m busy being blessed and happy.
I am still “all in”
The difference is the prep takes longer with more shirt sit down breaks. I am also focusing more on this is fun, not a chore.
I have no idea if I still love it. I used to entertain all the time and enjoyed everything about it. I have all the parts needed to have people over. I have collected china, glass ware, serving pieces and linens for years and used to love bringing it all out. Making sure there were fresh flowers and my home looked as perfect as I could make it. We just purchased our “forever” home. I say that because we have moved 11 times. Finally over. I think in our new home I will make it so entraining is back on my agenda. 🙂
I’m still all in, but it’s easier because I just retired and I have a best friend also retired that loves the tablescape ideation as much as I do. So we “play” together to get the place settings right. It feels like fun and catching up with a girlfriend v a chore. I love doing the flowers too – it’s my happy place. I like your block method – I have shifted to block days! And my husband loves polishing the silver – how lucky am I. My family and guests always appreciate and notice the details. This gives me joy. My next endeavor is a baby shower for my daughter in love – my first grandchild. I’m so excited.
I’m also a big believer that no one but you knows your vision so even if not all is done to our standard – no one would know. Kind of like the coldish pizza theory!
My hosting days have definitely changed as I get older. I just passed down my wedding china to my son and DIL as they love to host. My entertaining days are now solely immediate family. Takes the pressure off!
This post really resonated with me. We always host Easter and this year it was just my immediate family, no extended family or friends and what a relief! I also am a perfectionist when it comes to setting the table and this year I let my granddaughters help. I decided who cares where people sit or if the knives aren’t turned the right way. I attribute my attitude to getting old. I just don’t have the stamina I used to have so I have to let things go that really don’t matter. So yes, use the melamine and just have fun.
It sounds like congratulations are in order! The baby shower will be amazing.
I used to want everything to be perfect. It was fun but exhausting. Now that I am old I am realizing that people just enjoy being together and having a yummy meal and good drinks. No one cares about the crystal and china. ( I think the young people have realized this and that is why they don’t register for china or silver! ) Of course, it is still fun when throwing a shower or special event to do it up big!
O used to stress just like you. Lists, schedules, etc. And then the dawn….
People come to your home to see you not the perfect table. They sit down to a meal to share and talk with you not have a perfect gastro experience.
When I realized that, my stress level has been greatly reduced!
It sounds like congratulations are in order! The baby shower will be amazing.
I used to obsess about dinner party details until I realized that I was the only one who cared that much. Maybe I just wanted the accolades? As I got older I realized that friends & fam are just as happy with a casual spread of charcuterie on the kitchen island as they are with a sit down spread with multiple courses. If not happier. I rarely entertained as formally as you (again, no one cared about crystal & fine china) but my entertaining has certainly gone way more casual. And I like it!
I am so glad that it’s not just me that feels this way! Things have shifted here too! Yes, I enjoy my friends, but don’t enjoy the prep like I used to. I have always hosted all the big holidays for family and quite honestly, last Christmas I was downright exhausted. I enjoy a much quieter existence these days .
I love your blog and really don’t know how you do everything so perfectly.,run a business, keep your home perfectly etc. As an outsider, I would start delegating some jobs to other people or companies. You could choose to complete the jobs you really enjoy but cater the food(or some of it).It would take some of the pressure of you.You are so talented but you don’t need to do it all
Like you, when I was younger I loved to host parties. As I have grown older, I find that I am more anxious and worry about everything, something I never did in the past. Perhaps some of it is that these guests are no longer young either and seem, in my mind, more wary. I had a wine and dinner party the other night for a neighborhood group and it went well as everyone seemed happy and I received many compliments. However, I am more cautious than I was when I was younger and seem to tire more easily.
Congratulations on the new grandbaby!! I enjoy entertaining but am very Type A and stress over the details. I try to plan ahead as much as possible; but I also make a list for the day of the event that includes everything from bathing and dressing to chopping and dicing!
I am still “all-in”. We moved 6 years ago and my “tribe” has changed-so my entertaining schedule has also. I have a new group of fabulous friends and I am known at the dinner party gal. BUT I have scaled back-I have guests bring apps and dessert and I take care of dinner and setting the table. Definitely trying to make is all a little less stressful. I am hosting a Kentucky Derby party-which is a few weeks out, but working on menu and who does what already! I feel planning early does alleviate some of the stress.
I’ve pared everything down. Guest limit is 8 total at the table. Simple meal, prepped/ or cooked ahead, ie beef stew. Pasta dish, or an all cold collation. My every day dishes and stainless are lovely, but I do use crystal, silver and good china on occasion.
I’m 84, widowed, and still like to entertain, but I have to be realistic regarding my energy level and capabilities. The key, relax and enjoy.
Oh, Tina…..I could have written this post! I am now 80, and looking back at the dinner parties I hosted that took days to prepare for and days to get over(!) I really enjoyed making the people I loved happy, but it was so much work!!! AND, my stress level went through the roof, every time……My son doesn’t want the sterling or the Waterford or any of the eight sets of china I collected over the years. Young people entertain entirely differently these days and I think it’s a good thing! I’m so fortunate to have a wonderful caterer down the road and I take my serving containers to them and have delivered right to the warming drawer. Serve buffet style and everything goes in the dishwasher. Wish you could “cut yourself some slack!”
I have hosted many events and love it. We do not entertain as much and notice that as couples we tend to go out for a meal more often. Also noticing hosting has become a lot more casual and informal. I still love the full show but really it’s about our time together. You’re definitely not alone with these thoughts!
I do still love it, but I entertain less as I age (80…and retired last year). Thankfully, I have more time to prepare and can relax and enjoy the process! Now, the younger generations in my family enjoy hosting the major holidays, but when I do entertain for them or others, it is usually more casually! Pretty flowers are always a must!
We’re all to hard on ourselves about entertaining. Ads with beautiful people throwing their heads back, laughing in slow motion in perfect settings hasn’t helped. And you’re right, in real life, people just care about having a good time. If the setting – and table settings – are lovely, that’s just gravy. That aside, I need the napkin in that last photo ASAP! Congrats on the new addition to your family,
I do have some standards regarding entertaining. The year my sister in law served Thanksgiving dinner on paper plates and didn’t even bother to transfer the food from the aluminum pans from the grocery store unto nice serving dishes, I now host Thanksgiving every year. I set it with china and crystal and even though we are spread out between several rooms I try to make all the tables pretty.
That said, tomorrow we are having a small open house. We just bought a condo in a different city to be close to two of our six grandchildren. We don’t have much in the way of furnishings but I figure it’s better to meet my neighbors than wait for a year or two to have a nice place. Paper plates and napkins and folding chairs borrowed from our son. Looking forward to meeting my neighbors..
I am so glad you wrote about this because I am exactly like you. I actually admit I am OCD when it comes to entertaining and I do not enjoy it the way I used to. I have never been a fly by the pants kind of person (wish I was), and although I love choosing the china, crystal, napkins and the rest of the table scape (I start thinking about my Thanksgiving centerpiece in September!) I find it stresses me out now. I, too, make lists and block off days/times of when things will be completed, but I sometimes just don’t have the bandwidth for it anymore, sadly. I love the thought of someone else hosting or going out to a restaurant. I told myself after hosting Easter that next time I host, I am going to not get so stressed, because I know it’s about the company and of course, good food, more than a perfect table or the perfect serving tray.
There is absolutely nothing you said here that I would change in describing how I feel – about a lot of things! And it’s comforting because dare I share too much with my friends and they can’t relate at all. That’s sad that I just wrote that. Maybe I need better higher quality friends.
Hi Tina,
I think I am just the opposite of you. The older I get the less I stress. I think friends are so excited to just get together that they expect less. I make it nice enough but not too nice that it may intimidate others. Then they would never reciprocate.
Which reminds me, have you been to, or heard of “Naples Tables”?? It is where many fancy decorators get together and design magnificent tables all dressed to the nines for an event in Naples Florida. Tickets sell out in a day at $500.oo !! The ladies get all fluffed up in beautiful dresses and all their jewelry and have lunch and admire some very talented settings. The flowers are over the top. Check it out. I think tickets go on sale in October. It is hosted by the Junior League. Also, if you are in Naples, check out “Up For Grabs” all things tables!!
I still host all our family gatherings and can attest to feeling more anxious and overwhelmed where I used to breeze through all the prep. I try to give myself extra time for preparation -and that helps. I set a goal to have all tables set and ready the day before, with flower arrangements made and held behind the closed doors of a bathroom to protect them from my curious, flower loving kitty. House cleaning and silver polishing happens several days ahead of time. I try to plan a menu that incorporates things that can be mixed and/or prepared ahead so that I’m not cooking everything the day of. Reheating is so much easier as long as the dish is still as fresh and delicious-some things must be cooked the day of.
I say all this to say, I love hosting and entertaining. I love using all the wonderful things I’ve collected and inherited. Most of all, I love making others feel special, wanted and welcome. The older I get, there’s no place like home-and sharing our home with others!!
Congratulations on your second grandbaby!
I’m not much of a cook but I love setting the table with silverware, crystal and wedding china and arranging flowers for the table. When younger, I entertained for my husband’s clients and many overseas guests. Our teen aged daughter was a fabulous cook and she prepared awesome meals for our guests. She made it look so easy. Now at 80, I enjoy more casual entertaining. Somehow, I still stress some! A glass of wine relaxes me.
Oh my gosh! I feel the exact same way! I have to say that I feel relieved to know that I’m not the only one who loves entertaining but not at the same pace as once before.The thing is… is that making things seem special is my love language. I want people to feel important and appreciated and that little “extra” gives me so much joy.I do know that we are harder on ourselves than anyone else would ever be.💖
So much anxiety for things to be perfect left me exhausted during the party and afterwards. I don’t entertain anymore so I get to enjoy the parties now.
Entertaining has changed for me in that something in me just does not let me enjoy it AS much as I used to. I still love to set a lovely table and around holidays do so regardless of if I am hosting or not. Crazy, but I identified the lovely, finished table as something I love MOST about hosting and it looks so nice to look into the dining room and seeing the beauty and art in it all being set up guests or NOT! 😉 I, like you, have a lot now in storage. Trying to downsize. MAYBE POSSIBLY….. I made sure that I have just enough nice things still available for hosting but interestingly, I may not go back to all that extra stuff which I still love but find it easier to not be dealing with so much and I am NOT a “minimalist”. Just the contrary! One thing I might mention is a broken dishwasher (the kitchen designer/ builder refused to listen to me about having 2 dishwashers!) and because of the broken dishwasher, I have done what my Dear grandparents would have been aghast about, I have used some high-end paper and even some high end, gold plastic flatware. I was shocked but the plates and flatwear actually sparked a lively conversation about it! Next time I added some matching high end disposable napkins instead of my linen napkins. So easy peasy and when the dishwasher is fixed, well, I may just continue like this. Afterall, I AM a grandmother of three now! That counts for something! Right? Soooo, actually, the dishwasher is just an easy excuse (and sounds good in conversation explaining) I usually hand wash most of my things. anyway. Antique family glassware, chinoiserie and china, pewter flatwear and some very old and beautiful inherited English silver.
Some of the high-end paper goods and flatware is so nice that it is hard to tell, at first, that it just gets tossed out,end of night.
I have actually had disposable dessert plates and flatwear carefully rinsed off and set deftly on the counter! Oh, BTW, that is how I originally incorporated the disposables and paperware. I coordinated the disposables to my lovely china dinner plates and chargers, paper for dessert plates and salad. Finally came the day when entertaining was thrown on me for the next day
(I found out at 4 PM the night before (maybe later) for a 5 o’clock get together the next night! That is when it happened. I did at least 50-75% disposable including flatwear and napkins! Was a good conversation starter and I cuddled with my pups after and was in bed by 12:30 AM. Try that with everything needing to be washed! So this way or possibly getting a service to come in may well be my NEW way! I say this with a fully set Easter table in my formal dining room. Still! I did NOT host! I just indulged MY “art”!
Anyway, Tina, you might try this on Pizza night .Perfect place to start! ALWAYS FRESH flowers, NO MATTER WHAT!
I just wanted to add a comment to say there’s a reason for all this anxiety that seems to happen to us as we age. It’s the decrease in our hormones. I wish it weren’t so but I’ve read medical information that indicates this is the reason. I can’t explain it further as I’m not a medical professional myself. I just know it helped me a little bit to know that there is an actual physical reason for it. When I was younger, I had always thought that when I retired, I would have “all the time in the world” to do whatever I had always wanted to do. However, getting older also came with less stamina and some health issues that hamper me. So, between my hurting back and getting tired more easily, now I don’t do as much as I had thought I would. However, I’ve beat cancer twice and I’m fortunate to be here at age 81. Regarding entertaining, my neighbors and friends all go out to eat together rather than entertaining at home. We ALL have bad backs, lol!!! I do still enjoy entertaining at home but ONLY for the major holidays with family. So, maybe 4 times a year, I pull out the china and set a festive table and cook a big fancy dinner to express love for all of them! By the way, I LOVE my new pink cabbage chargers that came from your shop recently. They looked ADORABLE on my table for Easter!!!
Oh yes. I used to be EXACTLY like that. I’m more low key now, but still enjoy a pretty dinner party every now and then. But now I have curated pretty entertaining things that go in the dishwasher. (Except for wine glasses! Someone needs to make a pretty wine glass that fits/goes in the dishwasher!) For very casual family dinners with my adult children and little grandchildren, I often use paper because my children prefer it. I have pretty (or funny) paper napkins and –try this –> I put the paper plates on chargers to give them support and a little formality! I have found that people tend to have more fun when things are more casual. Change it up for your pizza party! Remember how barefoot contessa said to do the unexpected! She often served meatloaf at a formal dinner party just to shake things up a bit! For your pizza party, how about calling one of those pizza trucks that make the pizza in your driveway! Or have a “make your own” pizza buffet of toppings that everyone makes while enjoying a cocktail. A pizza party is a perfect time to play a party game, such as Sardines or charades, the newlywed game, or a trivia game. (Newlywed game you separate the couple and ask questions of the men and the women such as, “What was your favorite vacation since you were married?” Couple who get the most answers the same as their spouse wins. Award funny/silly prizes for the winners! Do something fun and watch the evening sizzle!